Surviving the Festive Season: Guide to Negotiating Family Dynamics

Got a crazy aunt, a nosy uncle, or that one cousin who just can't seem to get along with anyone else at the dinner table? As we dive into the holiday season, our episode today is all about navigating the murky waters of family dynamics and emerging victorious on the other side! We'll confess a few of our own personal holiday horror stories, some cringe-worthy, some funny and some that ended up teaching us valuable lessons. We promise - by the end of this episode, you'll be armed with all the strategies you need to handle even the most challenging family members without losing your cool.

It's not just about managing the people, though. From kid-friendly conversation to the choice of background music, there are a lot of unwritten rules that can make or break a holiday gathering. We'll discuss how to keep the atmosphere light and enjoyable, while avoiding unnecessary drama. And yes, that includes tips on masking your horror when the menu is revealed, and your favorite dish is nowhere to be seen! If you've ever felt like you needed a survival guide for navigating holiday feasts, this episode is for you.

And if you're on the brink of meeting your partner's family for the first time, we've got your back. From the right attire to the perfect conversation starters, we cover everything you need to know to make a great impression. We even share some of our own faux-pas, so you can learn from our mistakes and breeze through this nerve-wracking experience. Trust us, you'll soon be the new favorite in the family - or at least, you won't be the talk of the next family gathering for all the wrong reasons! Get ready for a hearty dose of holiday wisdom with a side of laughter, as we take on the madness of the festive season together.

Transcript

M: 0:05

Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to On the Mic with the M. I'm cool. Hey, okay, I got the glasses on. So I'm not trying to be cool because you see the cool background with the snow and all that stuff, it looks, it looks flat on it and I got the glasses on. But I got glasses on because I had a procedure on my eyes today. So I ain't just trying to sit here and be be smooth and you know thank you thank you, thank you.

T: 0:26

Yeah, you're welcome, thank you.

M: 0:29

Ladies and gentlemen, I got the holidays coming up and, as you know, you got to start seeing family.

T: 0:38

Oh Lord, so, oh, no, no, it was the time to smile and to rejoice, and I mean, keep it real, like pretty much the work you've been putting in all year should make it so that the holidays are, or can be, enjoyed. Did you handle those situations with your auntie? Did you create proper boundaries with people within the family so that you can enjoy your holidays? Because some of y'all don't like each other, and I know it. Some people I'm just just keeping it real Some aunties come to the house and you're not vibing with those aunties. You know, uncle, let's come through the door and you like mmm, they hear. Or you know uncle's wife come through the door and your face is like, hey, you know you wasn't trying to see her, right, but it's okay, let's talk about, right, how to get through the holiday. Didn't put in that work so that you know, just come easy, because you know I'm not rocking with you if I don't rock with you. I love you from afar, all that.

M: 1:48

Oh, my God.

T: 1:50

Pick up the phone. Hey, season's greetings, but let's not do it in the same space. That's the rule number one. Okay, let's make the rules to it. Don't spend too much time in a place where you don't want to spend too much time at.

M: 2:06

No.

T: 2:07

Can that be the first rule of the holidays when it comes to dealing with family? Yes, at the time. Oh my God.

M: 2:14

You have to, because a lot of these, as we all know, a lot of them, will force you to act. Or, sir, when? Not because you want to, because you almost have to, because there's a lot of deep seated issues, unresolved issues.

T: 2:30

Like you said, is deep. Yeah, I've been not worried. Yeah, I've been not working on stuff, been letting stuff slide. You know you've been telling slide from her. She been talking, slick out of her damn mouth to you since she was probably what? 1112 years old, ain't no figure that shit. Until you've been needing to be checked, we can, but don't check your mom's sister, don't check your father's sister and don't do it on Thanksgiving in front of every goddamn. Don't do that. You know, just limit the amount of time you have with that person in the room. You know, smile and be merry and move, move quickly away from them.

M: 3:10

That is so damn true. And you know, the other thing is T, we're looking at a time, especially when around my age, when a lot of your aunties and parents are gone and you kind of now, you, you're now the replacement, you're now the new aunties and uncles of the family, and you really have to grow and just say you know what we may have all these all issues, as you said, let's just make this work for just just for this period of time, and so nobody, we're not carrying on the madness and the kids ain't no, something like y'all don't like each other. Because I look at like this if you have resolved it by this point, you're not going to resolve it this year. You're probably never going to resolve it, because at some point you also deal with the reality of people don't want to deal or be accountable and take ownership in the fuckery that's keeping y'all separate in the first place.

T: 4:09

Like it's a real. It's a real issue there and it's going to take real work and real unpacking and it's going to really hurt.

T: 4:17

That's not hurt on Turkey day, like no, that's not. I'm just saying we only here for a few hours, and so you know, either you just come there for like an hour and make a plate smile, say hello to the people that you love. Do not not show up because of one or two people in the space making you feel uncomfortable. Either show up and make them feel equally as uncomfortable and, yes, I'm keeping the toxic or I'm not showing up to my uncle's house because you know some auntie or some cousin that you know one or two of them I'm not vibing with. I get to miss the whole family because of that. No, walk past and love on them from afar. Don't forget to love on them from afar.

M: 5:03

Absolutely.

T: 5:03

Keep that thing moving, because don't let, you can't let people take things away from you.

M: 5:10

No, no, because they'll be very clear if nobody has learned from the pandemic, we're not, you know, we don't know when that day is going to come when we're out of here. So don't allow somebody who you don't really give a fuck about messed it up because it could be that uncle could be the last time you see that uncle, the last time you see anybody, and the last thing you want to say is oh shit, I could have went to the Thanksgiving by that. I saw his motherfucking cousin, mind or whomever. And then they don't. That person dies, and then it's the same motherfucker that you don't like at a funeral, not at a happy situation, but in a very sad situation.

T: 5:52

So why you so sad? Because you didn't even realize rock with that person in the first place. But it's because you have a good spirit right and you're you've allowed someone to take what is good in you and shift it into something else. That's why you gotta love people from afar, because they keep your own self peace and your own mental health and order. Like, don't, don't hate on people, because that that that seeds that hate into you. No, I'm loving on everybody, even the people who don't necessarily love on me back. That's why it's from afar, because you know I don't need to catch your love because I didn't need it. No, I didn't need it. I was here for all these other people.

M: 6:33

Absolutely, absolutely. And, like I said, we don't know how long we got. It's not fair to them because we got issues, we got beef that shouldn't affect them.

M: 6:43

Because, again, ultimately, you're here, you're here for them, you're here to celebrate them, to be blessed, and you have memories because, again, there's a time when all that shit went in and you don't want to say have regrets and I wish I should have, could have, because we see, we see it all the time and freedom from somebody died and you're like man, see that cousin a long time but he had a beef with another cousin and never got a chance to see that person who died. Now they feel fucked up and in a lot of cases even more matter the person they didn't like, because that person stopped them from seeing auntie or grandfather, grandmother, whomever, because of that motherfucker you was avoiding everybody, everybody, everybody, everybody.

T: 7:26

The other thing, especially about, like, I want to say that that that generation, that's like our age, right, we might show up and feel a certain type of way or not want to come to places and feel like everybody else there is just so comfortable and just enjoying each other. But little do you know that the older generation who's there also there's a few people there who can't stand each other, but they've also fixed their face to come together on that one day and moving with maturity and grace, right, absolutely. They've done it so well and they've done it for so long that you don't even notice, you don't even know.

T: 8:05

You don't think you got something to stand on, one real life, that other auntie who across the room, who smiles at everybody, you think she just like everybody. No, she got grace and she's standing over there and she's, you know, willing, and she's that piece with herself, willing to greet people, you know, serve people and love on them, you know, whether it be close or far. True, that's true. You don't know amongst that, especially that older generation, because you know they were like masters of facades, right, you never really knew who your mother was, never really knew who your grand you know like, and I just say they're like Liars or anything like that, but they, they create really good facades and like this generation, currently we're in that, um, I'm keeping a real type of thing and I don't bite my tongue for nobody.

M: 8:58

Yep.

T: 9:00

No, they bite their tongue.

M: 9:02

No yes, they do.

T: 9:03

No, they don't. It's not time to keep it real everywhere. Sometimes you have to put a face on, and so the holidays is not to say to disturb your peace. I'm not telling you to be fake or phony, but every Thing, every, every obstacle is we don't have to pause it in the moment.

M: 9:22

Absolutely, absolutely, god damn movie. If you do that, if you start with that, that's a great start. The other thing that I'm gonna say and we talked about that probably the last podcast is Do not disrespect someone's the person or their spouse Based on situations you may have heard or may have. Somebody may have facebooked you about it, or I am you about it, or whatever the hell they did about it. Don't, don't cause rift when they don't have to be rift, because that's Definitely the season where you know you might be somebody's sister.

T: 10:10

And then your brother called you up one day because he was in his feelings and he vented to you, sis. He vented to you about his wife and he was angry after stuff was true. The other half of the stuff wasn't true, who cares. You're not about to roll up on Thanksgiving with your face screwed up, mad at the wife For something that your brother then called you up about three months ago when he was mad and they was having a little step. What are you doing? What are you? What are you doing? And, mind you, this is always like a sister who's unmarried, who don't really have a real relationship, or you know just something. You're going on in their life, totally weird and got judgment passing on everybody's Face screwed up. Sit down and eat your damn ham and fix your face. Have a little grace. I gotta pull it out this year.

M: 11:05

You have to, because again groceries costs.

T: 11:09

No, we're coming together. Fix your face, get your collard greens on your plate, grab you some little turkeys and stuff and Shut up yeah yeah, that is so true.

M: 11:22

I've ever grown up it was strange like that happened. Well, you know, at back then we ain't had a damn you know internet or cell phones or nothing like that. So it's kind of like where everybody got there and, being a kid, you walk around, you see the men gathered together and talked to one uncle or somebody and you kind of like as a kid you could be like they get together, but it's always standing somewhere with a cup in the hand talking to him. So you kind of get over there and you, yeah, boy, I heard you messing up out there. Oh what, what the uncle do? Look, great boy, get out of the picture, get on out of here. This is for grown folk. You. So you like, oh damn.

M: 11:55

And then you go up the step all sudden the women talking Listen, girl, you ain't gotta take all that from him. You, what you gotta do is what you doing in here. I'm gonna get out of here. You ain't in here. This woman stuff. You're like, oh shit, I can't go to the man stuff. You can't listen to the woman, shit, take your proof, yes, outside.

T: 12:13

Find yo hasn't. Find a friend, someone your age group and start your own group. Okay, that's true, I guess so true. I was at my uncle's house one day for a little party, little shindig, and me and my sister were 38 and 40, right. So the guy group was like my dad's age for my uncles, my dad and all the men is their age, right On our spouses they're fine with that age group. But you know that's not really our age group. So we're like it's awkward. So we go find the women that's my mom and all of you know that age group and we're like, ah, this is the awkward, you know. And then we're the cousins that were they the baby that the younger cousins, me and my sister, sat out on that front porch by ourselves. Like you know, this is our group, because it's okay to define your group and the family. Everybody don't have to sit around and you know we're not all sitting down at no ginormous diner and table on thank giving.

T: 13:15

No I don't know, and that's the mindful. To keep kids out of grown folks, oh my god, yes.

M: 13:27

That's so true I'm going to emphasize I wish I had my took, could take my glasses. I'm just gonna stay behind the glasses, watch out where your goddamn kids are, because down Back in the day you had to worry, right now that's. You could be on ig by the time you get off the table or leave the table to go Go look for dessert or to sit, walk away from the table a little bit before you think about dessert. You look at when you got them. I just feed you like what the fuck? They don't told everybody about what the hell's going on in the house. And you're like I know, they know, they know. So rule number three, rule number three Crazy shit, don't put them in the middle of fucked up Bullshit that's going on in the family. They don't need to know.

T: 14:10

They don't want to know.

M: 14:13

Yeah, and you know what happens, team. You know what happens Once the kids that age gets involved with that fuck shit. They start parrying on that bullshit because then it's looking at their cousin who's related to that Shit going on. Now that kid, that cousin, looks at the other cousin funny because he's like, oh shit, your mama going through that, because they talk and now all of a sudden everybody started with pit day. They're the worst kids since goddamn Burt bread and now y'all got issues. Not because y'all too have issues, because the older motherfuckers got issues. Now them pass that Sparma down to your ass and you don't know why you got issues. You don't because they told you some fuck shit and their parents told them some fuck shit. So now y'all got beef. Yeah, no reason at all. So keep kids at your bullshit and just go outside or go somewhere and deal with that shit.

T: 14:59

Just don't talk to your way. You remember, the adults don't move, the children move. Send, yes, friend, to a safe space, you know, make sure they're safe. Please. Don't just send many aware, but make sure kids have a safe place where they can, you know, play freely, uh, listen freely, eat freely, you know. And also, so I can, you know, sit my tea free.

T: 15:25

Because this Thanksgiving, and I am there and I'm gonna wrap my mama up, I'm gonna wrap my sister's up. You know we're talking. We ain't got nothing else to do but eat, sip and talk, that's it ever comes up, we'll come up.

T: 15:38

And no, we're pouring the tea. It's the holidays and you know I had a spirited to and I'm enjoying myself, yeah, but we want to talk to the kids about it. The room, the space, you know we're gonna, we're gonna also use the lower tone voice, right, yes, yes, because that's the one thing that we also forgot about was to know our voices when we're speaking, um, about stuff that the children don't need to, you know, busy their heads with.

M: 16:08

Absolutely. Because, again, the louder you talk, the louder they talk and after a while Everybody's talking and nobody understands a fucking word and nobody's saying, because everybody's trying to scream over each other and trying to get their point across, but yet it all you hear is goddamn noise. So, yes, do that. The other thing, music wise. Please, please, please, do not play that fuck shit that's going on today. I don't want to hear. No, got first of all.

M: 16:39

Listen, I do not want to hear no bullshit from cardi B or make the stallion with your older aunts in there. Yeah, hold the uncles in there playing that, because they're gonna slap the fuck out somebody. Who? What the fuck are you playing with that?

T: 16:52

What that's. Please don't have auntie trying to drop it low. On Thanksgiving, grandma, have several seats. You got the cool grandma. Your, your, your grandchildren do not want to see you with your hands in the air Trying to, you know, break them knees down to the floor and then could barely get up. Nobody wants that. On Thanksgiving. Nobody's trying to call the ambulance, that's, nobody needs that. Yeah, and you can't stop because again the spirits are flowing, because you know was Thanksgiving or the holidays, so they didn't have to drink it to. The songs are playing, they got the. You know the younger generation out there. No, save those people from themselves, people, please.

M: 17:52

Exactly, don't. Don't do it because, first of all, you're having a great fucking time, it's gonna have you on or tick, tock and all that shit, but two days later you're asked to be in a hospital to get you goddamn hip replaced because you're gonna fuck your hip up or through your back out, or fuck your neck up.

T: 18:08

Nobody All of the above, or all of the above.

M: 18:12

Exactly do it. The spirit hit you sit your ass down the chair and move your leg and move your hip. Just move it that way, don't. Don't stand, throw hands and drop it like it's hot.

T: 18:20

No, that shit, or turn up odys, but goodies, because the music was a little slow. So you know they want to move a little bit slower. You know they're not going to do too much with the odys, but you know they come put their hands in the air, but this is way gonna be a little bit slower. You know they have to go down to the floor because there's no need to right, it's a little bit different. They got class all of a sudden. Right, Woman move full classy. Now, right, it's the world that a woman was trying to work on any of these odys but goodies.

M: 18:55

Oh my god.

T: 18:57

Like the hip is not, it wasn't, it's not gonna it's not gonna happen.

M: 19:01

You're gonna blow our knees, blow our hips, blow our backs. And then somebody's gonna have to keep taking your ass to the fucking doctor appointment because you're gonna blame somebody. Somebody's gonna take me to the doctor. Well, uh, did you fuck told you? Drop it like it's hot. You know you drop these shitty ass like a tarot family. What the fuck? Come on now. You know you're too fucking old. Do that. Fuck shit Now. I gotta suffer for it, I gotta take you to the fucking appointments for surgery and all that shit.

M: 19:26

Don't do it so watch the music. And another thing, big thing now, please, please, please, do not smoke your weed around your older relatives. Take that shit outside, take that shit in the car, take that shit be smoking before you get there, but don't smoke the weed when you're there, please don't.

T: 19:50

What's your problem? Hold on, I need more information on this one.

M: 19:53

Listen, listen, listen. We know this is a conversation we haven't had before Because before you know, in previous Thanksgiving dinners, yeah, people get a little fucked up. They drink the spirits of the wine and take all those little things. But now, since the legalization of marijuana, the marijuana, the oo-wee-wee you're gonna have people, hey, you smoke it. So you're gonna have some of the young ones going hey, it's legal, bring some with me and you're gonna walk in the house. Now you may smoke weed outside on your car before you even go in the house. Just get a little buzz, because again we go back to the first one. You're gonna see some cousins and some people you don't fucking like, so you're gonna need a little buzz to kind of take the edge off you before you go up in there.

M: 20:41

So you know, we understand, I understand, we both understand that. But walk around a little bit, you know. Make sure you air out a little bit. Don't fucking walk in the house smelling like you just hit a motherfucking ounce and walking in the door talking give me a hand, see what's going on. And the first thing is baby try and catch the contact. Please don't do that.

T: 21:07

I guess the moral there is to have a little discretion. Have a little discretion these holidays, you know. In my opinion, whatever it is that you're smoking, right. If you're a smoker and you have to step outside to smoke, whatever it is that you're smoking, you know, make sure that you're far enough from the people from the entry points, right, because a lot of them are non-smokers, perhaps asthmatic, perhaps just have bronchitis issues, but have a respiratory nonsense. People got going on that you know we can't help, or they just choose not to inhale this. Please do not smoke near the entryways, like right outside the front door. Just because you went outside, the smoke's still waftin' on the inside right.

T: 21:49

And it doesn't matter if it was smoker or not a smoker, right, it's still the same rules for whatever the house is, Walk a little bit away so that when an auntie comes through the door, a grandmother or just a random guest comes through the door, they're not walkin' through smoke clouds, especially if it's like you know, the ooey, because that's gonna give you, that's gonna linger just a little bit, Just a little, and it's gonna I'm gonna hit you, It'll hit you. So, yeah, walk around just a little bit and then, once it's done, you know, whatever it is tobacco, whatever you have, give yourself a little minute to put it out and then, yeah, air out, like, let that smell soften on yourself before you re-enter. It's just respect, even if it's a home full of smokers, right? Yep, that's just how you respect yourself, respect your home. So you just air yourself off just a little bit before you walk in.

T: 22:43

You know, right back inside of a home, Especially when it's mixed company in there, because you don't know what type of conditions your small children have older relatives right up down with, yeah, and things that people are trying to get over or overcome. Now, I'm not saying that you're going to rehab for weed or nothin' like that. But you know, maybe people are like I just don't want that around me. I'm trying to, you know, quit doing something or just take a break from something. So yeah, don't push your sense off on other people.

M: 23:17

No, no, and I'm going to say this too. I'm going to add on to this, if you have to partake of it, because some people do it for other than just you know to use it.

M: 23:29

They use it for medical reasons. So if that's good, get you some sprays that kills the scent, you know. Or take an edible, that point, you have an herb and a smell. You just have to be careful because you know, with edibles it could get a little dicey. So you just want to make sure that you know you're aware of different situations that may happen if you do partake of the OOE week. So just be mindful of that. You know and you know and that goes with. Also, I want to add don't drink a lot of alcohol Just because it's there. Don't fucking just drink it. You know T you get those motherfuckin' relatives who most of those motherfuckers would buy that shit, that gut rock shit. Oh Lord, don't let no, don't let no. Ace of spades or some shit like that. You know, let me see some tango ray or some goddamn 20 year old bourbon. I'm a partake of that shit.

M: 24:23

Now you understand you've never had that kind of shit in your entire life, but you know you ain't going to ever buy that shit in your life. So if it's available it's holidays, it take a sip. Now we both know brown liquor and white liquor can affect you in different ways and a lot of people. I would hate for anybody out here, anybody, to find out that they have a real fucked up tolerance to brown liquor or white liquor, because that's the first time you ever had it, because it's embarrassing.

T: 24:54

It's a rule for things, divan don't you start nothing new. If you ain't been cooking, don't you start cooking. If you ain't been drinking, don't you start drinking. And if you ain't been smoking, don't start smoking. Don't do nothing new that you have not been doing during the holidays. That's the rule. That's the rule for holidays. Yes, please don't If you don't make college greens. Guess what? Don't try today.

M: 25:27

No.

T: 25:28

You spit brown liquor. Don't drink it today. No, no, no, no, no. You try to experiment in your own home with yes, true, that's true, true, and, ladies and gentlemen, think about it.

M: 25:42

I'm talking about many years ago, before they had phones and that type of stuff. Right now, you're going to get exposed immediately because everybody got a phone. So if you fuck around and start sampling brown liquor on this particular day and now, everybody's going to see the after effects of you doing that. Fuck shit. Not just the people in your house. Millions and millions of people will see the effect of that, because they're gonna clown you oh, without question, gonna put your ass out there and you don't be that person. You won't be the next meme. And so just be careful about those particular things that you do. One in particular liquor and in a weed and and all the other shit so yes yes, yes, yes, and and know your boundaries.

M: 26:23

That's another one. Know your boundaries. That goes on with the weed and everything else. It also goes along with food. Oh, we don't want to have happened. Is you been? You're eating a certain thing or you're not used to a certain eating certain things. This is a pig pig pork. Oh, she always get cooked. Now, all of a sudden, you eat piece that. Hand me all me up. I'm gonna fix me a ham sandwich. They mind you. You got high blood pressure. Keep me the fucking ham sandwich. You need another one. And next you, you know you're a woozy.

M: 27:04

You're unstable, you little fucked up in your head. And then people ask why, at that moment you say, oh shit, I got high blood pressure. Hey, like the motherfucker, left and came back, you already had who came in the door with you, you and high blood pressure came, that motherfucker, at the same time. He didn't put you. You know, oh shit, I know it was on me, I know it was right, right there beside me. No, it was with you whole fucking time. So now your fucking blood pressure's got up to 55 or 199 and then you're like, oh lord, not gonna go to hospital. Then you don't fuck the very bios time because now you didn't know your boundaries and I got take your goofy ass to the fucking hospital. Because you come out to have a fucking stroke because you saw this beautiful Ham that you shouldn't have in the first place there to be cut. But it's there be cut for somebody else, not you. Yeah, do your boundaries.

T: 27:54

Yeah, you don't. You don't have to overeat on the holidays and you don't have to consume the items just because it's there.

M: 28:01

Right.

T: 28:01

So that you've been like vegetarian or trying to walk a vegan lifestyle. You don't have to stop because it's the holidays, right? No, we're eating smaller portions, right? Yes, smaller portions, just because it's the holidays. I'm always weirded out that people have like a ginormous plate on thanks to them, like what happened to your stomach on this day? Did it like, bro, how, how, how, how did we get more food on our plate today than any other night, than the whole entire year? The whole year, even Christmas, you got a regular size plate for some reason.

T: 28:36

Thanksgiving it's like the most gluttonous holiday. Not in my house, I can barely see you not in my house. So for anybody wants to use Thanksgiving as an excuse for gluttony, you don't have to. Actually, you can show up on Thanksgiving and you can make a normal size plate. And and why people say they normally eaten more than one plate on Thanksgiving Is because Thanksgiving normally starts around lunch hour, yes, and you run all the way up until you know the time that child want to leave, and so it's an after an hour because it's people in the space that you really can't stand. Or you got another home to go to. You eat a plate there and then you take a plate to go fate or two, because you're going to eat it later.

T: 29:24

And yes, the idea that people are eating, you know, several plates throughout the day, that is sensible, but please let's not normalize the overeating of food on Thanksgiving. Make normal plates, normal size plates, have another plate in a few hours that your food goes down. We do not have to not be healthy or be unhealthy because it's a holiday.

M: 29:54

Absolutely.

T: 29:57

You know you ain't gotta pull out Fat back, whatever. It is weird that you know we've been switched over to turkey necks and you know you can still be a conscious chef in the kitchen. Um, the weird part that I didn't notice about Um vegetables is which vegetable is vegetarian or vegan? Oh, really, like which one they know vegetable that's going to be on the plate, on the on the on the table, like vegan style, Because you know we're catering to the vegans this year but I love you.

T: 30:31

Holly green's not vegan. You know, cabbage not vegan, not vegan. I mean, I don't know what vegetable would be vegan. Yeah.

M: 30:43

Oh lord, yeah, but see, you ain't gonna have those huge plates though that's the other you. You're not gonna have that and you shouldn't have them because you Very weird, because you didn't eat like that the day before Thanksgiving, in today, before that or last week. So why the fuck you're gonna grab a whole plate of shit on off the plate and walk around it? You know it's like the goddamn buffet place. You can come back. That's why the place is so small. Didn't tell you how that shit, as high as you can play on top.

T: 31:12

You can come back and, um, you're not that hungry and most of what you put on that plate you wasted back. So let's normalize making smaller plates and going back for another plate after you've actually tasted what's on the table, because half the veg, like you, took a giant scuba mac and cheese and your mother didn't even make the mac and cheese good this year, it was just oh oh. Now you got this giant super mac and cheese up on your plate and you trying to, you know, toss it in the trash, all portions, so that you can taste how your mother's and your auntie's you know real live made this food this year, because every year is different. You know, sometimes the salt hand got heavy, sometimes we got weak.

M: 31:53

Absolutely. It happens yeah it does think about. They don't measure shit. There's no measure cup when anybody I'm speaking to y'all when the hell if y'all went to any guys house, grandmother's house and saw any measuring spoons that's used? If you look at the whole table Counters you'll see food and shit out there, but you don't see the measuring cup at all. So that's me.

T: 32:16

They're just winging it like Don't need measurements, though that's what it is. Yeah, my mother told me she measures her rice with a cup. So I go to get a cup. She says I only use one cup. I say, well, you can't, because it's this is way more rice than one cup, right for a recipe of hers. This woman's talking about a mug. She's gonna use a mug for, you know, like a coffee mug. That's the one cup. That's not one cup, that's a mug. That's not like, that's not nobody's measurements. You can't, you can't do that. So, yeah, they don't have no measurements. So taste that food first because, like you said, not to say they're winging it, but you know it's a little winging it going.

M: 33:00

Exactly. And the other thing is, we talked about your boundaries, we're going. We know that a lot of people are going to have medical conditions, so and a lot of us ain't gonna tell them about you got medical conditions, because it's not in that fucking business. First of all, you find out, you're gonna tell them. So if they offer you sweet potato and you know you're diabetic, you probably want to say you know what? Maybe take a half of it, because you know usually you take a four or five of those motherfuckers, but now you found you're diabetic, so you now you can't eat five of them, so you may grab one or maybe a half.

M: 33:32

And if they ask you any more like what's wrong with you. You know you usually eat mine. You know I'm good, I'm gonna die. I'm trying to get ready for next year, Since you want to tell them because if you tell them that starts a whole lot of discussion you didn't fucking want to really have with them Thanks to give them by my, by diabetes and all that other shit.

T: 33:45

So, yeah, I'm gonna crash you all year about that, yeah, and I've been talking to, and then they're gonna go tell their sister, tell their uncle, tell the brother. It'll be a whole conversation. So you can't keep your medical conditions to yourself. However, you do not have to deviate or eat the way people expect you to eat, nor do you need an explanation to not do something right. Absolutely. Thank you for getting up and for me. You know they're always asking if I'm watching my figure. Yeah, yes, I am. Yes, I am with your smart ass mouth. I'll talk back. How about? Your cake is dry as hell and I don't.

T: 34:24

I'm a what's wrong with that? I say stuff like that without hurting people feelings. But you're gonna ask me if I'm trying to watch my feelings. Watch my figure, don't worry about my feelings. But no, I'm just smiling, thank you. It's okay to tell people, no, you don't want that dessert, or you don't want this dessert, or have the dessert and take. You know, cut it down the middle, make yourself a plate off of your little plate and take the rest home for later, because you know you shouldn't be eating too much in one sitting.

M: 34:51

Absolutely, absolutely. So let's don't shame in that. And you know the other thing I'll bring up all tea. You're gonna probably have that issue soon. Let me hear it men, young men, young men, when you bring your friend.

M: 35:10

Your lady friend, your lady friend. Okay, two thanksgiving, please, please, make sure she's presentable. Oh my, make sure she's showing all her assets. Make sure all of them, because nobody wants. You, don't want to have that discussion when somebody comes and you say who is that? Oh, that's my friend.

M: 35:31

And then pull your ass in a separate room and say why the hell is she dressed like that? Oh, no, she comfortable, no, no, no. Why the hell is she dressed like that? And you're going to turn and look Again. Forgot, oh, she, you know she covered up, yeah, but I see how big her her breast is and I mentioned her ass. Her ass is basically just hanging out, the damn jeans that she got and it's just out there.

M: 35:58

Please have your mama take a look at if y'all, if your mama involved. Have a look at the girl once. If her mom, if the young ladies don't have a mom who's got fashion conscious or don't give a shit, you have to bring her to your family. You in the whole fucking dinner talking about how your girl look, because your aunties, your mama and grandma are going to look her crazy. Now let me tell you, your, your uncles, your male cousins, they have a problem with her. They have a problem with her. They're going to help her with her food, which one drag, introduce her to everybody. But the women man, you may get a plate to go. You're going to front door and go rock, walk your goofy ass at the back door with a plate and her with a plate to, with a coat on. So please, you want to be there for the whole time. Please make sure she's dressed appropriately.

T: 36:54

This goes both ways now.

M: 36:57

Oh well, yeah too.

T: 36:59

We've all had the whole year to plan for that this day, right, and if we know each other, this is sort of like a presentation day. So if I'm bringing my man home for the first time, or if you're bringing your lady friend home for the first time and you're not mindful, like to dress to impress because you're, you're definitely given off an impression and not like pretend like that's not happening. You're giving off an impression on people. Now, what you're going to impress on them, oh, that's up to that. That's up to y'all to choose, but absolutely you. You should not come in with the super baggy jeans but your little ethical underwear hanging about of them. That's weird. You should not be with super cleavage hanging out. That's super weird. You know Dan Woodham Legans with that little weird what's that little weird thing? That going between the cheeks on them? They're the rock.

T: 37:54

I'm gonna tell y'all, all right, I don't give you an auntie, mother, girlfriend, whatever. Them leggings is super weird and they're not for the holidays. That's a new rule, though. It's a new rule those leggings that are like ruching in the ass cheek part, like they in the crack, what, what? To make women appear to have larger bums, and I'm just like scratching my, my sides. It would never work. So half of the problems that I'm jealous the other app is that it's so distasteful looking to me on like nine out of 10 of the women I'm worried about by it. So yeah, the weird leggings. I'm not a leg and type of girl. I understand that. Lots of people just love leggings. So I would love to say candy legans all together.

T: 38:47

But I know that I can't be careful with how you're wearing the leggings. This holiday season it's okay to put on a tunic style. You know, sweatshirt, not sweatshirt, but sweater. With those leggings. Like, please, please, let's cover it up and you can still look good. You can put your silhouette out. I would never tell a woman to hide her silhouette, because mine's always yeah, hold on, I am who I am. Like, I'm coming through there, yeah, yeah, nah, auntie's here and it is what it is. I'm wearing, what I'm wearing, you know, but this is not my first impression. Also.

M: 39:28

So you know, see, that's true. See, you know, dan will if he got a young lady that looks very good. So I walk around, walking in the house. You're the old uncles, the ones in the corner that you took to the dead or the damn day fell asleep after the date.

T: 39:50

Oh, they'll wake up. No, she don't need shit. Stop playing A girl, come put on this t-shirt because he's about to get carried away and he ain't paid you nothing. You're getting free looks left and right. That's the other part that wears me out, Uh-uh.

M: 40:07

See, and that's what my hat that's, it's gonna cause a lot of friction for no reason, because he gonna get up and he could be all up in her face. That means that his wife, the aunt, is gonna be in there looking at his face and he ain't gonna like that, and none of them are like that.

T: 40:20

Your face too? Oh yes, because you saw our women off. I mean, you hold the man accountable, but you also hold women accountable too. So you just gonna come up in here to any old body, family you know, dressing like any old thing.

M: 40:33

No, no, no, no, no, no. That can't happen. And for the young ladies, make sure your man has a belt around his pants and the pants up above his hip so I shouldn't see his cavern clients or where the fuck he's wearing. He need to be able to be present himself in such a way, be able to speak well At least. Doc keeps saying you know what I'm saying, because they're gonna look at him as ignorant.

M: 41:01

Then he may not be ignorant, guys, this may be the way he speaks, but the motor cats, the motor people are gonna look at him as ignorant. And then they're gonna ask do we chase you around the house the whole fucking night? Why are you with him? What does he bring to the table? Do he got a job? How many kids he got? So make sure he's presentable and so that you can have a nice peaceful night and, baby, take some beautiful pictures and be able to come back again and not be the topic of conversation until the next time they see you, because you'll never let that shit down until they see you again, either with that dude cleaned up or different dudes clean earth. So please don't do that. Whatever you do, just make sure you have that conversation. And if you got ladies clothes off for him, ladies fucking clothes off for him, so you ain't got to go through?

M: 41:44

no, bullshit, because if you got laid her clothes off for her, well, no, well, well see, the thing is, we just got to tell her we're going to see some older people clothes out and whatnot, since we laying clothes out and, like today's society, we forget that it's okay to actively impress someone.

T: 42:10

Right, it's okay to show up and to speak and use my words a little more, I guess, eloquently than I would with my girlfriends. And when I'm just hanging out in a car with my boyfriend, right, it's a way to clean it up for the day as we're presenting ourselves to the first time to people that we don't know, the male or the female in the situation. Just be mindful that it actually is okay to impress that family. Who's who is actually put passing judgment on you, I think that's important?

M: 42:45

Oh yeah, because you know T. You know the first thing. You don't know nothing about her. The first time you look at her or him, just impression. So make sure that you dress to impress Because, again, if you're going to, if you're bringing them to you meet your family, they're gonna be around for a while. They're not just somebody that's just gonna pass through the night. They were actually a part of your life. So you want to present that. You know, just out there, just pick up any old time they can hurry, or Joan, joan, joan and Helen, because they're gonna look at that and say, if this is the best she dressed when she's the first time she's seen us, how the fuck does she dress when she's out here in public? Or how does he dress when he's out there in public?

T: 43:27

and discretion. Back to what we were just speaking about. As far as those extracurriculars are concerned, if you're super young and you can be at the legal drinking age but you're there to impress someone's family, it's okay to like totally limit or not engage at all. Right, if your guy over to meet your dad, the uncles, your family and your guys the smoker perhaps, and your family is not, it's okay if y'all only show up there for like 30 minutes one hour and have him to not smoke that occasion. Not to say that you're not keeping it real, but it's just discretion.

T: 44:11

This is not the time for it perhaps, right? Yes, it's offered and you know it's like a piece offering is the holidays, your father's down, whatever, go with the flow type of thing. But if you know that your woman enjoys a good drink, she loves a good margarita, she could throw them back. She love a. You know five or six of them. No, babe, just can you, can we just do one while we at my mom's house, you know, for the hour, and then when we, you know, leave about a day, we'll kind of do what we normally do. But when we go to impress families, it's okay to limit those extracurriculars, especially for those who are suppression. Nobody's gonna see a new girlfriend getting drunk.

M: 44:51

Oh no, nobody wants to see that. Nobody wants to see that at all. And the other thing about impressing people if you, if they're talking on a subject you don't know nothing about stay quiet, absolutely.

M: 45:07

Absolutely, absolutely. That's what that will gain you more points than anything, because what nobody everybody hates is a dumb motherfucker who don't know. He's a dumb motherfucker jumping in a conversation that we all know. Now that you're a dumb motherfucker, and now we're just gonna sit back and say, oh, this motherfucker, just, he's just gonna talk, just to hear yourself talk. So we're gonna keep digging that hole deeper and deeper and then, when time comes, we're gonna tell whoever whoever brought you, it's a dumb motherfucker. And they're gonna say why, and they're gonna start and we're gonna lay it out for you. Not, we're not gonna be him and the home We'll lay out.

M: 45:40

We talked about this and he just jumped in a totally wrong. He's done better. Like you said, t, you know what I don't. I never heard that before he informed me. Can you tell me a little bit more about that? So now he can make a decision based on not that he knows about it, but he least could say well, based on what I heard, this is what I would think. Now he can have a general conversation about it, but he knows that later on he gonna have to talk if he's gonna be around for a while. You probably need to learn about this, because we had general conversations like this. But don't try and impress people. If you don't know shit, you don't know shit, because that's not the time to show people that you're the smartest person in the room. We don't even want to know that.

T: 46:16

And don't be somebody's yes person. Just because you don't know them, you don't have to be their yes person. No, I'm not familiar with that. Tell me a little bit more. Oh, I've never seen that. Why don't you stir that with me?

M: 46:35

Absolutely okay.

M: 46:37

It really is. It really really is. And and again, bring out your best, best who you are, and not saying be phony, but bring out the best who you are. Whatever that is, just bring the best. Don't be fake, but just be the best you can be, because then we'll be like somebody who's showing me exactly who they are a fake person. I got on for you because now I'm gonna think everything you say is fake because you start. You start off being fake and you continue being fake. But you may be nervous or whatever, we don't care. Just be who you are, you know, and then just your self.

M: 47:11

Yeah, that's it. That's all you need to do and you'll have a wonderful holiday and your wonderful time. It will think highly of you. We'll talk highly about that. That's a nice person and all that. We would love that people would love you and we would embrace you. Next time we see you We'll remember your name, boy, you know. I remember that it was like, oh, I just Definitely will. Oh, my god.

M: 48:10

So you know, we just want this a special, you know, podcast. We want to just go ahead and lay out some things for you guys to look out for and take it and keep rewinding, cuz you're gonna keep using and keep passing on the people, because we want y'all to enjoy the holiday season and we want to make sure that we don't let toxic relationships, bad situations between family members, any that issue to disrupt a beautiful holiday season. You know so, you know, let's does. We went through many of them. We've we've seen some things whoo I can't mention. I probably get sued if I mentioned it on this podcast, but it's just, I don't want y'all to go through this. We don't want y'all to go through this, you know. So, t, what's your final words to the Recap.

T: 49:00

Do we even mention about how people want to feel about loved ones who are not there?

M: 49:06

Oh yeah, okay, let's bring that up. Let's bring that up.

T: 49:09

Yeah, I think I'm gonna go back to the first place about the loved one who. Would you know they're not there this year. That's actually not fair to either one of y'all. I'm not telling you to forget grandma. No, don't you forget you. Don't you forget your uncle, but I'm seeing uncle and grandma and sisters or whoever are not physically here Holidays, all the time where we welcome them back into our hearts and really recall. You know the things that Make us all family and you sit back and you reminisce and you laugh and you take pictures and you realize how much the aunties look like the grandmother. You know how much the dad looked like his brother. You know how much you know grandpa dad looking like grandpa. Sit back and reflect and see that you know the newest niece in the family look just like the grandmother who just passed away and it will literally Lighten your spirit and your soul that you think it was gonna come through that door super heavy. Let it go and embrace life and enjoy the life that is here.

M: 50:20

Oh, that is so true. T, that's very true. And, guys, you, you have to go back and understand that you being here to enjoy this holiday and all the holidays, you really are extension of everyone who has passed on, everyone who has made that transition. So they wouldn't want you to sit here and mourn, yeah, you're gonna miss them, but they want you to carry on. They want you to carry the spirits on, because by carrying the spirits on they live forever.

M: 50:49

So just make sure that you, you talk about the story, you show the pictures, you, you bring the next generation Into what, what you live, because that's the only you, only you have them as pictures and memories and you want me to pass it on. So those kids like, wow, that was a great person I and I wish I got to see her. And an actuality people, they are seeing it through. You also carry yourself in such a way that you, that their memory will always live. Long after every holiday, after you're gone, your kids be able to have a same conversation about you and about your relative who has passed on, and that's the beauty of this recipe which I left, that gravy recipe, that gravy technique which I you know.

T: 51:38

Those answers are gonna be coming through during the holidays.

T: 51:44

The people who have left, they have not left all the way you know, that bird is still there and it is definitely carrying through all of us and all of our movements. So people come together and Enjoy each other. Look at the small faces. Some people have small families. They might have one or two kids there. They might not have any kids there, so what? Y'all keep showing up for each other, smiling with each other and just holding on to what we have presently Large families. Y'all better watch out attitudes and respect each other, because you know shit gets real with the Big family. Lot of moving pieces with those big families. Fine, joe, clicks that you enjoy the love. Everybody there from afar Sorry, everybody can't love them all close, no, everybody in that building, at least from afar, and how it's gonna make you feel, it's gonna empower you.

M: 52:43

Oh, my god, see, as again you got this shit down to a sign. You can wrap everything up. You got the Christmas ball and even Christmas yet that's beautiful, but it's gonna be Christmas soon. So you know, people Enjoy. Just enjoy the holiday season, just enjoy the people and just be blessed that you're here to even enjoy another holiday season and With that man, this episode of one of my DM and see.

M: 53:15

Listen, you know what to do. Hit that like Subscribe to the channel little bells, you can get all the latest, greatest Episodes that's coming up. Yeah, I want to thank everybody, all with the new Subscribers, all the new, everything. We're up to tea, almost 90, well over 90,000 views on On dip thumb on the site and on the website and on the podcast. So I want to thank you guys and again, till we see you again. The wonderful holiday, very Christmas, happy New Year is all that stuff. We'll talk to you. Let's go there. Peace and bless.