Did you know that the secret to a successful relationship is about much more than just physical attraction? In this candid discourse, we plunge into the importance of deeper connections and how the beauty of personality, interests, and values outlast mere looks. This episode is a roadmap to the complexities of relationships, a lighthouse guiding you through the stormy seas.
Ever heard of the 80-20 rule in relationships, or struggled with balance in time spent on gaming and other needs of your partner? As we uncover these issues, we elucidate the criticality of open communication about long-term goals and realistic compromises, right down to contentious topics like reallocating budgeting from leisure to essentials. We don't shy from addressing tricky matters such as outside interference in relationships or addressing a partner's gaming habits, providing you with insights to ensure it doesn't affect your relationship negatively.
Finally, we don't leave you hanging about handling criticism constructively. The conversation concludes with tips on effective communication to ensure a fulfilling relationship. So, buckle up as we explore these realms that can either make or break relationships. Our episode promises a deep dive into maintaining and navigating the challenges in relationships; it's all about understanding, balance, and effective communication. Tune in and let's navigate this intricate maze together.
Go to http://www.overcometoobecome.com to see all of the Video Podcasts and the other podcasts under the "Overcome 2 Become" YouTube Channel
Follow M at @overcometoobecome and T at @tress_city on Instagram
Email us at overcometoobecome@gmail.com for thoughts, comments and show suggestions. Come join the discussion
Did you know that the secret to a successful relationship is about much more than just physical attraction? In this candid discourse, we plunge into the importance of deeper connections and how the beauty of personality, interests, and values outlast mere looks. This episode is a roadmap to the complexities of relationships, a lighthouse guiding you through the stormy seas.
Ever heard of the 80-20 rule in relationships, or struggled with balance in time spent on gaming and other needs of your partner? As we uncover these issues, we elucidate the criticality of open communication about long-term goals and realistic compromises, right down to contentious topics like reallocating budgeting from leisure to essentials. We don't shy from addressing tricky matters such as outside interference in relationships or addressing a partner's gaming habits, providing you with insights to ensure it doesn't affect your relationship negatively.
Finally, we don't leave you hanging about handling criticism constructively. The conversation concludes with tips on effective communication to ensure a fulfilling relationship. So, buckle up as we explore these realms that can either make or break relationships. Our episode promises a deep dive into maintaining and navigating the challenges in relationships; it's all about understanding, balance, and effective communication. Tune in and let's navigate this intricate maze together.
Go to http://www.overcometoobecome.com to see all of the Video Podcasts and the other podcasts under the "Overcome 2 Become" YouTube Channel
Follow M at @overcometoobecome and T at @tress_city on Instagram
Email us at overcometoobecome@gmail.com for thoughts, comments and show suggestions. Come join the discussion
People's welcome back to on the mic with the M and T today, ladies, can you bring more to the table than just your looks and Sex.
T:But is it? And we want to know why Like we just like? Hmm, because it's as superficial as the same right, mm-hmm. Why is sex and looks not enough? I feel like the question has to be explored and answered.
M:Let me do for men. For men, the first thing attracts us to you is your looks. We'll know about sex.
M:We know your looks you look at absolutely so from that point was a hey, and you know how you look, you kind of be back on my like that one to talk to her, to kind of get to know her. Don't talk to her, I want to bang it or I don't really know. So I just gonna talk to and see where she falls in the paradigm, right. But you know, once I kind of talk to you, oh she's really that bright, but she is fine. No, she got a nice booty on her.
T:Oh, so in other words, as soon as I open up my mouth. So I'm gauging that conversation right. That adds to the attraction, oh yeah, or or. Or it takes away. It depends right. It can add to or it can take away exactly because for us you find any sport.
T:So now you're like super attractive, right, because it's a difference between being like fine and then being like attractive to someone, right, and For a mature person, like going into a relationship. You want to make certain that the person who you're dealing with is, like attracted to you right, Absolutely more than just like oh no, my girl, you know she's a nice looking woman, like, because a lot of people are nice looking right now. You want to be attracted to that person.
M:Absolutely, and then from there you kind of judge where you want to go. That means you talk and conversate. Also, that doesn't mean swipe left and right. That means actually need to talk, which is the shit that pissed me off now, this whole. Oh, I can swipe left and right, motherfucker. You can look at her picture, but you don't know her. How do you know? So I'm you by swiping.
T:That's the first thing we just talked about. Right, you know if they're nice looking, but you don't know, like if they're really attractive to you, right?
M:Exactly, a lot of people say you know, she was fine when I was swiping, swiping through, and I've talked to she, dumb as shit. Yeah she ain't got nothing going on.
T:There's nothing in common.
M:No, because you text. The problem is you texted all the time. Oh, she's good on text, you got time on text, so you can't sound good on text. But when she started talking to you start the diminutive dominant this. You know, oh, that ain't what I thought what?
T:no, she text you or you like a fast life, and I may be like a little more of a slow-paced life.
M:Absolutely right, but when?
T:we just chilling, kicking it and we're just texting, you know, throughout the day, right, the pace is sort of kind of what we created to be as opposed to the reality right. Absolutely really don't get to know each other until we really, you know, sit down, kick it and, you know, exchange a conversation with each other.
M:Absolutely. And then by that time we're like, okay, then we're gonna try to gauge you. So, okay, she got some sense, she's pretty.
T:Or she don't got sense. She don't got sense, right.
M:Oh lord, she don't got sense then. Then you just say how long it's gonna take before I get to the booty, or how many looks does it take For me to get to the silver or maybe you just trying to get rid of this situation.
T:Not every situation you want to touch. Like you, you might want to dodge some bullets, oh yeah yes, and you ask those critical questions, like you ever.
M:The kids.
T:How is that the most critical question? Wow, possibly.
M:You know, but it cuz for us. I'm gonna look at you so damn, especially certain age. You get to your late 20s or 30s.
Mac Da Don:I'm gonna say damn she probably may have one kid.
M:Okay, you know, I'm assume, but I may be wrong by one ass. I don't want to just get all wrapped up in you, you know come up in the conversation, I would assume, at least by the second date.
T:But do something when they come up in conversation.
Mac Da Don:No, I was real strong.
T:Yeah, wow it's the first question and don't you have to beat around a bunch, but like in an organic conversation, like the first thing you're gonna say is this so how many kids you got?
Mac Da Don:You have really nice hair and I think your house is really pretty.
T:You know, I feel like.
Mac Da Don:Yeah, I'm gonna get some heat for this, mama said anyway, we're gonna set themselves up a failure. Oh what the conversation started and say you know what else I need to bring besides sex and looks right. When you get older, naturally looks the client, regardless of if you're a man or woman. Mm-hmm. Yes, so if you bring looks in sex to the table.
T:It looks go away eventually, Right to a certain extent, yeah you still ideally if you find the right person grandma, some grandma's who kept it together.
Mac Da Don:Most like you. Most people are gonna deteriorate with a.
T:Everybody is right yeah.
Mac Da Don:And so like. Ideally, you find somebody who's attracted to you Regardless. That's the hope that you're with.
T:So I was not superficial as a woman right man, right right, and that's the idea how you're gonna get there exactly like you ideally want to have somebody who, like, even when you start getting older, like.
Mac Da Don:No, she's just as beautiful to me as a day that I met her.
T:He's just Because you just still is genuine right, more than just your look exactly.
Mac Da Don:But if that? But let's say he only likes you for your looks, right, right in your looks. Deterioration. Now that's one out of two down. Yeah, so now you have a sex. A lot of times women will state as I as you have kids or as you get older, life stress has happened, sex kind of me. I don't really need to have sex every day. I'm kind of tired today. I don't really want to do this Because you're home.
T:No, I didn't know, I didn't. Women's libido increases as she gets older. No Well, I'm not at the brown 40.
M:Yeah, okay, and then what?
T:what are y'all trying to claim the men is doing at that age?
Mac Da Don:because Well, no, no. So here's what I'm saying, not that like, not that like all of a sudden women's is not gonna do sex. I'm saying is that there's a lot women who will Naturally kind of feel pressure to have sex with their men when they're in the dating phase until they get the right, because they're not really that kind of. They're not really that kind of people, right. But if you bring sex and looks at table, you look's gonna go in eventually. You stop giving sex. Then you in a relationship with a guy sitting there wondering what the fuck am I getting out of this?
T:So can I, can I, can I kind of regurgitate with you saying what? I heard you said so. Are you saying that perhaps in the dating phase You're more willing to pull out the tricks and then, when you're settled down, the love life is just a little more settled? Okay, I mean, and that's fine. Sleepin.
Mac Da Don:Work today like nigga, I'm tired, you time we just trying to go big. The problem becomes is that if you doing convent of ceiling every night, we are dating and then you get married like my bones are, I'm not supposed to be, I hate heights, I, you know, I just was doing an issue but like fuck all that, yeah, then it's gonna feel so a guy like a beating switch, like okay, yeah, you, you, you was doing all this one before the rain that gave you the ring and now I ain't got shit to show.
T:No, that was a big switch. I got right.
Mac Da Don:Got him. Yeah, yeah it makes sense why that happens, but I think that's where it falls apart.
T:Yeah, so that's that whole idea where you really need to secure that. That's something more is being brought there, right, because the sex like on both sides of the table, right, everybody's gonna be out there doing the most right you like you're doing to do. And, yeah, eventually, like no, I gotta go work 40, 60 hours this week. I'm not doing all of those.
T:That is true, but it's based on those two things based on sex only and the sex is gonna do a sex. That was gonna be great, and then it's just gonna be. You know it's gonna be just I. You know, sometimes it's just.
M:I, you know we get to that point where you know you're done, yet oh, what? Oh? Oh, yeah, yeah, you're done. Yeah, keep it, keep going yet, like you know, two, three seconds I should be done. But you know, for guys we go to that thing cuz we get older, mm-hmm. You know, guys, take care of yourselves, stay healthy, eat right, because if you don't eat right, you're gonna have that problem.
T:See, and that goes to the woman that you're attracting right, so you attract the right woman and she will make certain that you are eating right, right, that we are taking care of ourself as a couple or as a family, right, I lead how the family kind of conducts themselves in the world and what we're consuming and how we're kind of going about basically the lifestyle that we as a family are living.
Mac Da Don:And I think that's kind of it is a great point. But I think that also goes back to, like the health station what do you bring to the table? Part of that ideally when you find a woman is you find somebody who helps direct the family, Like she makes sure that like you go to that damn doctor's appointment.
T:Yeah, and she took off her work. You was complaining about your bag. I'm in the car with you, yeah, yeah, because you know I should never remember the fucking case, or not. You come home. I mean, what did the doctor say? Oh, you said, oh, no, nothing.
M:Now, you're gonna show up at the next one.
T:Yeah, I'm talking about all of them now, because now you can't be trusted, right? But we create this lifestyle.
M:Absolutely.
T:And there's. Do you have to bring more than the sex and the looks to the? Don't leave those off right, cause that would be dumb. No, that would be dumb.
M:No, and the thing is that's a part of it.
T:It's a part of it. That's absolutely a part of it. You got the entire puzzle.
M:It's not like two pieces of sex and looks, but it's a part of the overall puzzle and I think a lot of people don't really think about it because you get tied up in the emotional part of it. They know the looks and she finding all this. But again, if you decide to keep her or she decides to keep you or you decide to keep each other.
T:No, I mean, we're talking specifically about the woman. That's fine.
M:Yeah. So she decides to be okay, I'm gonna go ahead and roll. Then you have to bring more than just that.
T:Yes, you do.
M:And if you can't bring anything more than that, you should not be dating anybody. You should be figuring out who you are, which is another thing. Women need to get themselves right or straight, or know who they are before they start bringing somebody else to their time fuller of their fuckery. Because you come to us as a complete package. We said that on previous podcasts that you have to be a complete person before you decide to get into any relationship.
T:You should be.
M:So when you present yourself, you should be the complete package, not. This is kind of what I am, and maybe he can add or fill in the parts of me that I'm not too cool with. That's not his job. His job is to love you for who you are.
Mac Da Don:I think that whole I took the job for both sides, just to love each other for who they are. Problem is that women think they can change their niggas and men think they, you know she holds the beat.
M:Oh, yes, yes and that's the issue.
Mac Da Don:If you're constantly thinking he or she is cool if, and only if. Or would be really really nice if she, it'd be really really nice if he. Nah, you already bad in a thousand, because what you've been saying Attentional thinking yes, exactly, and that's the problem.
M:I've heard women over the years say that exact same quote that the producers just said he's a nice guy, he's a good guy, but this, but that, but this. But I'll change him.
T:It's like the idea of us building together being distorted right, because the idea of somebody like completing me, right, or us growing together right.
T:Because someone who's not in the situation? Right, You're not growing with someone. Perhaps you see a couple who's gotten older and you see what they've kind of accumulated over the years and you're thinking, hmm, maybe I can acquire such things as well, right, Maybe I can acquire real estate and go on nice trips, but only if I had someone else to help me do those things, Cause I got a decent job, I can manage funds and all those things. But you're thinking only if I had someone to do those things with me. So now you're out searching for you know a life partner to help acquire you know things with, as opposed to searching for a life partner to basically serve. Right, you have it backwards, right, Would you two come together and choose and are able to build right and grow to right? That's great, but that shouldn't be like the thing that dictates why you're looking for someone else, Because then it truly is like well, what are you bringing to the table and do you understand what you're bringing to the table? Is that really a value for the other partner?
M:Absolutely, and men just generally, just don't change overnight. You see, you pretty much see what you get. You know there's always room for change, always. You can always change something. But, what you see. Pretty much is what he is.
T:Yeah, I want to say I mean, I don't, y'all don't change at all, like what you talking about, at what age that you're meeting this man, like you meet a guy over the age of 30. I don't know what changes that man is gonna and perhaps he becomes enlightened about, like maybe the music he wants to listen to, right, perhaps he becomes enlightened about you know his food choices or maybe you know his gym habits, like small things like that. But overall you know his personality, his morals, you know his standards in life. Those tend to be set in stone for you know, basically the adult.
M:And that's why women have to understand that, no matter how much you put on him or what you do to him, unless he's willing to change it, he's never gonna change.
Mac Da Don:Same thing with women.
M:You're not gonna change If I say you know what? You got a little stank attitude you need to work on Now. If you don't think of a stank attitude, you're not gonna work on yourself. He'll get used to it. No, I'm not.
T:And so that goes right back to that 80-20 rule, right, like, either you're gonna accept that and chop that up to basically that 20% that you know I'm not able to give to you and the 80% that I do give, you know that fills you all the way. Well, you gotta carry on. You can't stick around somebody who you only feel like they're giving you. You know 30%, 40% of what you need and you're hoping for you know that other 40% to kind of be that potential that builds and that he changes into. Like, oh, one day, you know, he'll get himself together. Oh, one day, you know, he'll get a better job. Oh, one day, you know. You just know, know what we doing today.
T:That's what we got to be willing to accept people at, and growth is great, but if you're not okay with where, like the woman is at right there, then what you gonna do? I would have what?
M:Now you have to make a decision.
T:What are you gonna do?
M:Because she is who she is in turn, like in essence, right, that's so true, and then you have to ask yourself God damn, don't want to spend the time in the effort.
Mac Da Don:So I think what ends up fucking up it's funny that you were going where you were going makes a lot of sense. People I feel like that's where the dating of younger women come from from men is the false idea that if you date somebody older, right, she's already kind of set in her way. So she's not really a motherly type, but she's not really a homemaker, she's more of a go-getter.
Mac Da Don:Then you meet her you 35, you meet her at 35, you gonna deal with her, however, the fuck she is right. So now you're trying to find somebody who's of that age, who's gonna be able to kind of side in with what you need, right? Just like women trying to find a guy who kind of side in with what they need. Problem is that if she's 35 and single, she's probably not gonna be the person that you looking for. Not because she's older, but because if she's not a homemaker at that point, she's probably not gonna become one. Just like if a guy's died able to provide for himself at 35 years old, he probably not gonna be able to provide for both of y'all after that. No, I mean, it's just not gonna happen. You watching, right? He?
T:always on the sidelines delivering those cold hard truth, because we have to because we are looking at a shattered dating world.
M:It's a war. By the way, people, I have a fatigue because it's a war that we're in. It's a war and I don't understand why we're in this war.
T:It's like if you come to the table you know, it's like a control piece too, I guess, right Caught up in the chaos and the frenzy, you don't. You know you can't really do anything else.
M:Oh God it's be chaotic, and you know, in the frenzy yeah, it's crazy everybody, for I've talked to people from age 30 to age 60 who are going through the same problem, which is crazy, because you think 30 will have a certain problem. 40 years you will have 15, 60.
T:You mean among singles dating.
M:Yes okay.
M:You would think there would be different, because a 30 year old will have a certain set of problems in the 60 year old, the 60 year old and basically live their lives and they're looking for a certain type of person. But the 30, the 40, the 30, the 40 and 50 and 60 year olds are having the same problem. So what the fuck it's like? Let him talking to him and they're talking to me. I was. I talked to a guy recently and he said he'd been married for 15 years and he shouldn't have gotten married and he should not have gotten married 15 years ago
M:15 years ago. He should have gotten married but he got tricked. He said you know, she was beautiful she and I use no names because he'll know when he sees that's me he said I murdered 15 years ago. She was fine, she was doing all this stuff from, she was cooking and all that. And then, all of a sudden, year two, she stopped cooking, she stopped looking, it's fine, taking care of herself. And I was like, what did she do? He said, well, she's a military person. Okay, so she stopped doing all that. And he said well, you know, thought maybe you know, once she got out, that should do differently.
M:Well, she got up, became a police officer and he said this got worse and worse. You got to a point now he said he look at her and he's like this is Diving the person that I get married. And I said well, why are you still there? He said I'm scared to leave because I'm scared, at my age and he's 50, to leave and try to find someone else, because the women I've seen I hear it could be another trick bag, it could be. They look this way and I hook up with him and now and up here he's. But I am not happy. I'm married, but I should be married. I should have never married it because she tricked me.
T:Is she why she did not trick him?
Mac Da Don:If you, if you do something while you're dating if you do Something, period while you're dating and then you get married and then you stop doing the thing that you did before you were dating. I'm thinking, ideally, what you do in dating should be an analog for what the marriage should look like.
T:I think she was doing it for the first two years of the marriage as well. I think what ended up happening she was she too was in the service. She came, she separated from the military. It became a retired from the military, so she secured one retirement and she wanted to secure a second retirement. That's what she's basically doing and that's see, that's that's a conversation for family planning. They, they kind of missed that right there. Right, he didn't. It sounds like he didn't need that extra bag that she wanted to go out and secure no and what you sacrifice, or with the woman sacrifices and the workforce.
T:You are sacrificing something. If you're not at home All day, you go out, you work, you're too tired to come home now and cook and clean and tend to and, oh you know, let me, you know, bring you down, kind of like cater to the man type of thing. Like no, I don't feel like it. Because first of all you told my she left out of the service to go be a Full-time police officer no, see, first of all, no, that's a different type of stress. And then you tell my some go, be stressed out and Disrespected by you know the general community and come home and you know, be your wife, like and be soft and do the cooking. And that was poor family planning and sometimes in relationships, you know, poor family planning Can feel like disrespect. But perhaps that wasn't the intention. So you got to kind of tread carefully there because this, this nightmare that he's feeling in the right now, it might be something that you are delivered from in your retirement and you might have the best years of your life being married to that woman.
Mac Da Don:Yeah, but damn, I've been together for 13 fucking years. I ain't seen shit. I just don't know.
T:I Know she, she did miss the mark. They missed the mark is what I'm saying. Yeah, and I don't think that she did anything, you know, with deceit, like I don't think she pulled any wolves over the man's head. But perhaps it doesn't dawn on them that when she go back into the workforce, like she's not gonna be able to provide for the household the way that he's wanting to be provided for, especially a man from that, you know, generation like before like Couple podcasts going on, even think it's out.
Mac Da Don:I think it's one of those podcasts we have in the can. We talked about a study that I told you guys that already, how they were grading what you thought you were doing well in terms of points. Yeah, I think this is a really good example of how two people think they're providing something. Yeah it's a net negative for both yeah she's thinking I'm bringing the connection dollars to the house.
Mac Da Don:I got a motivation. I'm driving. I'm driven like I'm really enjoying what I do. Bubble, he's sitting on like damn. He really just straight up, hold me out of my dinner. I'm my good-looking wife and you just run around here just being being a piece of shit to be in regular.
T:You're right, like the rest of the women, like girl, I thought you went into the service and retired early still. You know you could be my queen now, and now you are a driving regular wearing police. Perhaps for him. You know, he probably gave the thumbs up in the okay and support and didn't really think like that's not the life that I want. And you know, once she in and she's like why am I doing this to retirement? Because that's what she's accustomed to.
T:Absolutely and she got those years left in her body, she feeling like a week. But as women, I think sometimes we have to slow down and kind of help direct that show like nah, let us raise our own children right, give us a few years to be at home, let us be part-time in the workplace and let us sit down and actually plan out. You know our family and our finances and how we're going to afford certain things. So you know precious moments, don't just pass us by, because to me I Think what this man is saying is I don't get to enjoy your beauty. So by the time we get to retirement and we got the money, you know we out on the islands in Hawaii. You know Now you're looking regular, yeah, faded, and it's not to say you know she's bad.
Mac Da Don:You know bad-looking woman, but you know the woman that the attraction also fades too, because you both that resentment build up, and that's the other thing, because it doesn't matter, because you, that's a years of.
T:Scar tissue. Yeah, you got that, layers of that, that. But If you want it, you know, hopefully I'm afraid for this couple.
M:Yeah.
T:I'm hoping that you know it's like that little pot of gold at the end of the rainbow and you know it's just all Fairy tales and and ponies, you know?
M:Yeah, I hope so too. And I told him I say, hey, man, look at the podcast. And he, he's part of podcast. I ain't gonna show his name, but you're part of the park, I saw it, thank you. She said I gotta look, I gotta find out, gotta get my life, because at 50 he's like somebody who's 18 crazy 50 year old, is in an 18 year old stage because somehow he told me other things and I ain't going to talk about it on the podcast, but other things that that really helped him back and he thought this was gonna change his life, getting married and all that and it changed it, but not for what he thought not to. Also told him communications key.
T:How old were they when they got married?
M:In the 30s.
T:Okay.
M:Yeah, it was in the 30s. He was, yeah, he's 5035 when he got married. I think she's 30, so like a five year difference, he's older than she is. Okay so I see you got to communicate, and that's what a lot of people don't realize well, you got to communicate for the short term and the long term.
T:Constantly communication because if you don't have like that long-term conversation, you don't see the family for the long term and you just live for the short term and you get like, well, we only got here, we're still not comfortable, you don't see the overall picture. So that's when stuff gets shaky.
M:That's the problem today's, where everybody wants to quit the tick tock that boom, boom, boom.
T:We're in the instant, yeah instant Graphication.
M:I don't give a damn what I got. Take a pill, take a shot, take a drink, take whatever. I need it now.
T:Give it to me right now, you keep going to get that rush.
M:Well, if you keep me, never rush early, there's nothing later on, because eventually life happens, yeah, and you look at so, whoa, you ain't the same person that used to be. And you're gonna say, oh, you're not the same person, but you never communicated, because you'll always try and get that initial high, because that's what you kept going and that's how you started, yep. So the thing is, you can't you say, oh, it's gonna be this way forever. No, it ain't. It's the fucking beginning they gonna be. Oh, it's gonna be beautiful and it's gonna be unicorns and flowers. No, no, no, that's the fuck. That's a fake reality right there.
Mac Da Don:I think the issue, though, is yeah, we say here to take communication, but I think communications Like if the problem had three steps, it's like half a step into fixing the problem. The other step and a half is saying compromise.
T:That's the hardest thing, I don't care what, none of y'all think Well, that comes in the planning part and that is the hardest part.
Mac Da Don:That is the most difficult thing. People don't want.
T:I think sometimes it stops the conversation Like you know what, if we can't compromise on this, we're not even going to handle it. We're just going to let life take over and play it out.
M:And then that's again.
T:You get back to that shaky situation. And now you uncomfortable, and now he uncomfortable, and now we uncomfortable around each other. And I'm looking at you all stank face and you looking at me stank face because you over there hungry and I'm over here lights. I know he don't think I'm about to make him nothing to eat. I just worked all day long.
M:Yes.
T:And now we out here resenting each other Like he couldn't even go to the grocery store and he over there looking at me like she didn't go to the grocery store, like come on Now. We being petty in the world of Insta cart, we arguing about who didn't go to the grocery store.
M:Oh, and let me get you more pettier. He comes in with food and don't have shit for you.
T:I got my two big pieces of biscuit. We got right now. I got my two big pieces of biscuit. I'm not going to feed that shit to the dog when you cook another one.
M:I'm buying my own shit. You get your own you just went out for self. Self.
T:Wow, that's how shit gets started, yeah.
Mac Da Don:I had one guy.
T:I had one guy years ago he sat in my chair and he said to me you know he was just talking about his lady friend and you know this situation in the house and he was like I mean, it's not, it's not looking good, it's not looking good. And he was like the thing I understand about women is, you know, she decided she's going to stop doing my laundry, specifically my why? I say reason why you ain't got your own, you know, chicken sandwich, I guess to live your life for yourself, you know, to alienate, like you don't want to do for me, I'm not going to do for you, oh damn. And what he was saying is don't is, is not going to work, like how you want it to work right, like you didn't manipulate the situation and your favor right.
T:Yeah, that's right he just going to go do his laundry and eventually he going to go do him like I'm I'm on my way out now. So you thought that you stopped doing his laundry to make him kind of pay attention and pitch in more, so to speak. Right, you thought you went out and got your own food to make her like, oh so if he going to get his own food, I should maybe start cooking for him now. But it's not the right way to go about things. You never get the end result. You only get a girl who's sitting there looking at you like, oh, he couldn't get me something to eat all the times. I had made him a meal, and now I come in the house, I'm tired, I'm overworked and I couldn't, you know, cook for the both of us. And he had the energy enough to go out and get himself a meal and he couldn't at least get me a meal and at least he still got clean underwear in his drawer.
Mac Da Don:I won't tell you.
T:But you know, he's mad, mad because I didn't cook for him tonight I do it so well. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
Mac Da Don:I'm sorry. I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I think that's a perfect example, though. It's like there's just two people who think like oh man, fuck that again.
T:Yeah, like they fuck each other, and think you're gonna get like a better result from the situation and you're not gonna break it down the situation that you really wanted to build up. You, real life, want this girl. You, real life, want that man.
Mac Da Don:Yeah so.
T:I'm sitting there on my butt. I'm so tired, get your ass up so tired.
Mac Da Don:I'm just saying like look there's nothing wrong with saying you know what I'm really tired of making like dinner by myself every night. I don't understand how, like people just don't say don't sit there and say you know what, I'm tired of doing this. I feel like I'm being under appreciated, like, hey, I would like for you to cook a meal or like take me out to dinner or whatever, something to balance this shit out. This goes back to the planet. Yeah, just balancing it out.
Mac Da Don:Wanting to do it because you guys want to say like I'm trying to keep a peaceful home. I don't understand people who say you know what fuck in my house is the chaos.
T:It'd be all right. No, you can't do anything in the chaos?
M:No, and let me tell you this T the one thing that all men I'm speaking for all men want when they come home is peace.
T:Don't know. Sometimes I create the chaos so much I want peace. Create shit, stirring shit up. We want peace.
M:We want peace, we don't want to come home after a long day. We're taking shit from people we don't like. We have to. At least can we come home, walk the door, get a. Hey how you doing, baby, it's good food ready. You know I'm going to get my little drink and everything and I asked you how you're going to go. Everything cool, everything cool. I'm sitting in the chair and just so on a little bit, maybe play some some gaming, because that's the biggest thing, because that's the big.
M:Thing now see back in the day it was so, back and let me have a drink and look at TV. Now there's a lot of guys. They want to come home and game and guys that said that to me said man, can you talk about? Why can't I game? My girl can say it's childish.
T:Why can't I just come in the house and game?
M:Why can't I? Why can't I just game? It's too old for gaming.
Mac Da Don:I just do all to do that and I'm going to tell you, I'm going to say it like this women fucking hate when they're not the center of attention.
M:I want to hear I'm not being a center of attention.
Mac Da Don:So you come home. You are not sitting there staring her in her fucking just a little bit.
T:Just a little bit, just a little bit, the apex of your eye right now.
Mac Da Don:Yeah, she will make your life hell, because I miss you all day. So because touch me first, like what are you doing? I said all right. I'll get your head, I'll get your head. I'm going to sit down in front of the PlayStation. No, let me tell you about my day. I'm going to see because I'm looking forward to you all day and you've been looking forward to the PlayStation Wow.
M:And let me tell you a lot of, I get a lot of, we get a lot of comments. Yeah, I love how you fight for us, but damn.
T:I think that that that was a phenomenal, that we just, you know, uncovered that layer right there, yes.
T:I've been waiting all day long just to engage you in conversation, tell you three times the same story, over and over again, about what happened at work. I'm going to switch it up just a little bit, but it is the same story. But who cares? Right? True, true, and I just want to. I just, I just want your attention. I do want all of your attention. Right and in theory, in my head. Right, sure, you can come home and get on the video game, right, but I didn't know that you wanted to get on the video game, like more like more than you want to see me.
M:Yeah, these young man are older man.
Mac Da Don:It's the one time of the day where, like, I can just turn my brain off. Yeah, that's why I got because even when I'm with you, my brain has to be on.
T:But that's what I'm getting to because, I think that I can talk to you while you're playing your video game, but you know.
Mac Da Don:So that's the part that's messing yourself. No, who has?
T:told you the story three times and you still don't know what happened to my co-worker today. What's happening here? Nope, what's?
Mac Da Don:happening. Or here's the thing I'm one of those people who I can play a game and listen. Okay Right, he's rare.
T:Yeah, it's very rare I can listen because the game to me becomes violence.
Mac Da Don:Okay, and I can say, okay, I can turn my brain off of this, I can focus on the conversation I got, not because I did that. I had a girl I was talking with in college. She was. She literally cut the television off. She was explaining how her mother came by to drop off food today and she dropped off something she didn't want and she had told her three times before and she didn't want it. So she is like I was upset about it.
Mac Da Don:I'm like damn, I was really fucked up, like she really should have just listened to you. I'm engaging in the conversation, right, I'm not looking at you. She's sitting in my peripheral, so she's yeah.
T:He's talking to me so I'm like what's going to you? Talk to my back. She was like no, I won't.
Mac Da Don:That's exactly what.
M:I was going to do. You're not paying attention to me, you're not looking, you're not like looking at me. They were young, young though, but it says the thing that's 18.
Mac Da Don:Yeah, yeah, I could tell 35, 36, 37 nicks are still doing the same shit. Yes, that's the problem, that's the problem.
T:That's the problem. If I did, you can't. You can't recognize that. Okay, I'm not going to say that. I'm not going to say that.
Mac Da Don:That's where I want to be played the thing. You just didn't track him and you been laying there the other day, I don't know this.
Mac Da Don:Yeah, look, look, I always talk about Мне glad to have Raffaello. All right, we're going to be talking. We're going to be talking here. Okay, man, this is the thing I wouldn't say, that I wouldn't saying that I'm not going to say that, yeah, okay, okay Right, very cool separate. I'm going to say that, all right, anyway, why don't you want to talk to me about? I really sure you're not from here in the house. Now it's all making like I don't do shit for you. I'm gonna treat you like ass, blah, blah, instead of saying you know what I knew? You come home. Because, like you, come home, you run to play a game. I fully understand.
Mac Da Don:I just want to talk to my husband my boyfriend for like 35, 45 minutes before you go game, or can you have a set cutoff time so we can spend time together? Yeah.
T:And you're all together. I'm not willing to do these compromises Exactly Like I need to give you my information right now, when you come to the door.
Mac Da Don:Why don't you get him right? Yeah, I need to.
T:I need the mindless behavior right now, like no, I got to sit down, I got to sit down, sit on the game, because I just need to move sideways. And those are the conversations that we really need to have with each other, like spaces and places where you can't compromise that me time.
T:Like, oh, hold on, this is me time. Like, no, we're not doing the kids homework, you know, as soon as they come in the house, because I need 45 minutes to game. So you don't start on the kids homework and I ain't gonna start on the kids homework because I'm going to go do my video gaming thing and whatever you you know you will, because that a lot of times is what's happening as well. Right, the woman comes in the house and it's more than just cooking, right, she kind of gets what we say gets to work, right.
T:She comes in the house and now you're moving and grooving, hanging up the kids jackets or you know. Turning to the little people, maybe the dogs need to go out, to go out for a walk or whatever needs to get done.
M:Right.
T:But as the man has now sat down, you can take your load off, then cock the little shoes off, control in your hand. Get the hell up and take that damn dog out for a walk. Yeah, and now it's time for the kids to start their little homework, right, because we've got on the same. So now I'm offended to the point where I'm just like the audacity. Yeah, and how I just escalated and come in the house and go sit down.
Mac Da Don:Yeah, so so you know, honey I need a sister for you sit down today. Yeah, Before you sit down and you kick your shoes off and relax. We got to take care of a BSE because the moment we finish that, I'm not with you for the day.
T:But in that man's head he probably where I was working. Yes, ceo, yeah From the bottom to the top. He coming in that house heavy, like she didn't sat around nails or cute walking around all prissy. You know you're to him, you know the woman's life is light, like she does come in and she, I just need to sit down. I've been dealing with all these people.
M:For a moment, I think I take a personal experience. When I was working in up in DC and came home late, the first thing I said I just want to come home, I just want to sit down and this one have a drink, but something to drink. Well, I saw when I heard my opening door was a little person. Mm-hmm who was at the door when I opened it. In fact, I could barely open it, do I said it's like he back up back up.
M:He was looking at me like they've been gone all day long.
Mac Da Don:He is fun time, oh god.
M:He's, he's up, he's bright. I wish you till so now, okay, I take my time. If he go, take run on the time and I go now. I know I have to spend time with him.
T:Yep.
M:And you know, I just want to just sit down and grab a remote and not have nobody shit to me, because I've been talking people all Fucking day. Yep, I have to talk to him. I gotta talk to the wife How's your day? Cuz she's there taking care of all day. So I have to do that before I went and played Sega Genesis, y'all.
T:That was the day.
M:Have my fun and then but I did give me his bath do all that then, after all that, I can go ahead and truly unwind.
M:Yep but that's a conversation that I had to have. Like baby, listen, I work all day long, I know you're home, I know you here looking him all day and all that, but can at least have some time after I play with him, after we eat, you know, then go have my 40 minutes on the game, but you have to have that conversation. That's not like you're just gonna go in and do it because this shit has to be done.
T:It's in other words you're either gonna be out of order or you're gonna get yourself in order, right you're gonna get on the same page. If the issue is you know dinner right and I'm tired of cooking every night, you might want to cook some of those meals you know in the same night. Can you say that one more time?
Mac Da Don:the issue is what. The issue is? Dinner right, then. The issue is that your wife be incompetent as fuck.
T:No, okay, so fight the issue Like the person exactly.
Mac Da Don:Okay, the issue is that you hungry, she hungry what, we neither. So we just bought a factor into the household because it's a tie to me mission makes a tie to cook it.
Mac Da Don:So we're like well, how do we all eat and eat decently? Wow, still maintaining our workout schedules are still maintaining our every day. All right, we might have to invest a couple dollars, but it makes sure that not everybody has something fresh to eat. No, it has to complain about what the hell they gonna eat for lunch, for dinner, for whatever, because it's food in the refrigerator. If that's something you need to do, then you go do it. You're putting you each four hundred dollars together. Now y'all got meals for an entire week. Y'all ain't never got to think twice about it. It's, it's expensive, but the trade off is that it creates piece of your household. If that is the issue, and that's the way you decide to solve it, what ends up happening is this hey, one time I get married first, she's not gonna cook. I was like whoa would you? How'd you eat? Beforehand? I went out. Okay, well, meal prep is a nice in between. It's like going out at home.
T:It's the, it's the idea of having an issue and being willing to Work on the issue.
M:Nobody wants to work on it. It's like if it's not solved like that, then Devices are a record high this year. I saw recently and a lot of people like well, she's not doing or he's not doing what he told me, a what, okay? When you stood in front of the church in the state of Maryland, on state Wherever you got married from, you said the sickness and health and rich and poor and better, worse. If you are fucking up on a breakup because of a simple disagreement you can't talk about, then that is always an out and that's why marriage, in any kind of relationship you have to be able to talk to each other about things, is going to just bother you, because if it's bothering you, it ruins the unity and the sanctity of your house and don't let it go, right.
T:So if you're the guy and the woman doesn't budge on the video game thing, right, and so you like I'm just let it go, I'm not even gonna work on, you know, the compromise in the situation because she don't see, I'm just do me Eventually, to just do me gonna be the disrespect to her, and because you wasn't, you know, willing to force the situation, because you was Totic, you know kind of rattling, you know her up.
M:Mm-hmm.
T:It helped cause a deterioration in the relationship.
Mac Da Don:Flip side of that would be because you do want to come to compromise with me, but we spoke about it initially and that's how I bring it up again. You didn't compromise the second time. They're not trying to bring up a third time he still didn't compromise now I feeling disrespected.
T:And so if you're being disrespected and then that causes deterioration in the relationship, that's valid. Didn't let the relation. I don't want to be that type of person, but there are certain things that will break a relationship right, and a lack of compromise on certain things, especially when it, you know, results in disrespect. No, it's time to let certain things go, certain things go, and and letting things go will if somebody wants you enough and they feel like you are worth it.
T:They will recognize that, wow, I didn't have to take it to this level. I think I want them more in my life, with them playing that game or with them doing that. To a certain extent, you know, now I can kind of figure out what I wanted to compromise, because what I don't want is a lack of that person.
M:Exactly, or you could get rid of that person. Bring another person who don't play video games, but then he barely worked.
T:Yeah.
Mac Da Don:Like what's the devil's that you're willing to deal with? Yeah, okay, he's a great guy, he go to work, but like he games all the time and that's the thing. Like all his child is like I don't like things to play games. He go for yourself in the good, don't play games Like you say he doesn't work or like he works. But then he come home and he drank. So now, instead of worrying about the next game release and him maybe being up late at night, he said out the club, drunk as fuck. Yeah, and now you wonder who he with, because you know he and some of these, all these different women and shit. So, like you gotta ask like really, is the thing that the person across the table from you doing that damn bad?
T:Like, truly, they're asking of you Is it something that you really have to be so rigid on that you're willing to let that person go on?
M:That's true like dinner.
T:Y'all real life can't figure out dinner in 2023. Instacart door dash Factor Store got one.
Mac Da Don:Yep.
T:It's in this food supplies to where it's like we're still talking about she don't cook like come on, so so you didn't even. Nobody even wanted to try.
M:And you have to try yes you have to try the certain things you said. Listen, we both work, we both come home late With nobody feels like cook yeah, unless you put some of the crock pot and let it cook all day, and you only want to do that, but so so many times during the week, so you gotta have another, another reason or don't go out to dinner every day, because that's gonna run you about 100 and some $9 to you. So now you eat out every day. That's $700 a goddamn week Just for eating out. So, and everything is expensive, so you want to compromise it. Am I working to eat out? Am I working to just be able to do some things and be able to sit at my home or someone?
T:just you sit down at these tables and you have these conversations and you just say, oh baby, we spending seven, seven hundred dollars a week to eat out. Maybe we can reallocate those sons to do something else. Maybe we want to do something else without money, but you sit down and you talk and you open up that conversation piece on how we can you know better take care of each other, um, and enjoy and build the relationship that we actually want. No, that's when you got it. Yes, I'm living the life that I want.
T:No, I get to come home and I get to play my video game when I want to and know it's not as soon as I walk through the house. Because, guess what, that don't serve my family. So, now as a man.
T:You got a new perspective from life, you know, and the same thing with the woman, like no, I'm gonna sit on the phone and I'm gonna talk to my mom. You know, with my little earbuds in my ear I'm gonna listen to my little Alexa music. You know, when I first come in the house, because you know take, you know talking to my husband, you know, until his little ears falls off, that it just doesn't serve us right, I can talk to him later on.
M:Exactly, there's a time and a place, yeah.
T:So you start picking and choosing and seeing things a little bit different and living your life To serve your family as opposed to just serving your own self, because that's selfish.
M:That is so true and it's a part of growing up and the things people don't realize is like these are childish behaviors. I'm talking, we're talking about, because that's what kids do, you know? I don't want to, I want to bargain. I want that cookie.
T:I need all the attention. I need everything and and it feels so good to have all the attention. But be real, like that man is Hired and you talking about.
M:You need for him to look at you girl by, girl by and that's the thing, and and once you understand that, hey, he's a person like you're a person.
Mac Da Don:He has needs like you have needs.
M:You wouldn't want nobody to trample on your needs, so why would you trample on his? Because, oh, he should be able to listen to me, because I'm, I'm this and I'm that.
T:And it's not to say that we don't have the growing pains. So, like growing pains, that's, that's, that's valid right. We've all felt slighted in a certain situation. But what we're saying is be willing to work through the things, be willing to have those open conversations and stay level-headed enough to receive, you know, the criticism from each other.
Mac Da Don:Like, no, I don't like if that's the person who you quote unquote love. And that's the person you quote unquote want to be, um, we're for the rest of your life. Then you should be able to accept criticism from that same. That same person Uh, there's a somebody I was watching on a podcast said a really good uh quote. And they were like. You know, the reason I don't really get bothered by the internet is because I don't take advice from people I wouldn't take criticism from.
M:Ah, that's true. Yeah that's very true, and that also goes to Stop telling motherfuckers that they ain't got a healthy relationship in their life. Your business.
Mac Da Don:Mm-hmm.
M:You always want, I'm gonna go to such. I'm talking my aunt, I'm talking no. If they've just got five kids or six different men In 20 other situational things going on, what the fuck?
Mac Da Don:She nobody healthy relationship, yeah, so again yeah, because you think, oh, she helped me solve problems again. But people are good for certain things. Yep, there's nothing wrong with that. Like your mom always helped you with, like your problems when they come to deep when you're growing up, cool right. But if you did it in on different dudes and none of those work, that, then maybe you and your mom not really good Collective when it comes to you and Dayton or if you're spending more time trying to solve and figure out you and your significant others problems, like you're spending more time with your mom talking to your mom about him.
T:Or your auntie about it or your cousin about it, then you are like actually talking to him about it. That that might be the problem. Yeah, I'm not spending enough time talking about the actual problems and how we're gonna fix it.
Mac Da Don:You know my mom and my cousin or my auntie don't like you and it's like well, yeah cuz fuck. Every time they ever hear anything about me is I'm trash or no.
T:They're just trash people, because what type of mature adult believes everything someone says just one-sided, they've been ain't like the old boys. Would, you want to be in a relationship where people don't root for your significant other, like on both sides. That is very if you have a lady and your mama don't like that lady and she's like willing to say it out loud.
M:Hmm.
T:Like what type of person is that? Come on See.
M:Validated. That's the problem. You know, if you go to them you gonna fall for validation. Oh, they're gonna accept. Everything I said to him is God, but that's.
T:But that's not the right you. You want them to validate you when the stuff is hard, when you can't see that woman for all of her great worth and you can't see that man for everything that he's worth, like ah.
Mac Da Don:He want me to do everything I can't stand them and you come at you like nigga, are you serious Accountable?
T:no, he actually does everything for you. And now you got to actually wash them damn dishes and, you know, cook a chicken. And now you mad as hell. And that man, just you know, paid all the bills and fixed all the tires on the car, and now you mad, mad because you got a, you know Baked some potatoes and cooked some chicken. No, you need people like that, you know, to keep you in perspective. You don't need the people who's on your team telling you, yeah, he ain't worth shit. Yes, your baby mother ain't worth shit. Oh, yeah, not what you distant, what? No people. Who's on your team who wants to see your relationships fail and not thrive? You need to run, including your mother.
M:Think what you just said. I have to now stand on my own two feet and I have to go against what my mama Told me all, your best friend your best friend or people who've been in my life, my entire life.
T:Yeah, watch you make those four decisions Time and time again, and half of the time is because you had everybody in your business. Everybody and you probably didn't know what you brought to the table.
M:Exactly, you probably sold all this. You really didn't bring much. In fact, you probably didn't bring a fork. Mm-hmm maybe some happens, but everything else he put you put on the table and then you, I got a fork.
T:Yeah, you came to eat.
M:You can't eat shit with a fork. You can lick the fork, but you can't eat nothing off this table because you didn't bring anything. Yeah but we bought, we're bringing everything to this table, everything we got.
T:We got holding some chips or or you showing up the tables with a man, didn't? You ain't bring much and he ain't bring much. And now, instead of you looking to grow with somebody because you don't have much, Mm-hmm you don't have much Mm-hmm. But instead of you looking to grow with somebody, you looking at him like where, when you gonna go get it? When will it be here?
M:Hey, you know T, that's Great. You said that, the whole conversation about a high-value man and all that. I hear those discussions for years. Can we just go for the guy who's a bus driver, the guy who's a construction worker, the guy who's just gonna work every day and come home have a piece of mind?
Mac Da Don:He's not making a hundred thousand.
M:He's been making forty, fifty, but he, that man, will bust his ass and would do anything in the world for you. But you look at him based on oh, he only bringing a muffin to the table. I need more than a muffin. I'm not fucking, you ain't got shit to eat right now, but he's gonna give you his muffin.
T:Well, remember the high value man of today. Right, They've given one child outside of your relationship and that little six figures gonna start doing something different y'all so they get that confused. Yeah, I mean that that that lady on the door side pieces costs money. So I'm just in, yeah you talk about a high value man, right. You talk about a man who's a little more well-capped, right.
T:So, he spends more of his own money, right, somebody who's you know making about 85, 65 and under right, and I splurge in a little a little less spending on on oneself. So normally the woman looks a little better and well cut than the man does, right absolutely. Now it might be a little bit more money in certain situations, dependent on that situation.
M:Exactly. Yeah, you have to not discount all these guys, because again. No, because they're only where they're at Now, where they're gonna end that there you go and we say before that 1% or less 1% guy, it's like you hitting the damn lottery, it's like you hitting the billion dollar lottery ticket in fact you may have a better oh yeah, they're definitely 1% and no, if you're not hanging out with those guys and you didn't go to school with them, then what I mean?
T:what you want again? Yeah, we don't have nothing in common like we don't hang out in the same bars, we don't go to the same Restaurants, we don't do anything, we don't even speak the same language at or we're here saying people like you said nothing.
M:We're totally in different levels.
T:Yep.
M:So you're trying to get into a level that's actually Kind of impossible to get into, yeah, but you discount all the good guys. You do a lot of guys will.
T:I'm gonna sit back and enjoy your parents. Yeah right who gonna actually want to sit there and show up for Sunday dinner? We're gonna actually. You know your mother get old, your grandmother get old. They're gonna show up and help you pick your grandmother up, like nah, babe, where your grandmother need to go, I'm a ride with you because you know I know she needs somebody to help move her around. That's the guy who's gonna do that.
M:That's the guy.
T:Yeah.
M:And so strive for that guy look at that guy.
T:They're out there and this in the comments, constantly saying Shallow and just get to know some guys just get the date date.
M:Yeah, these guys don't you benefits off the table.
T:Stop adding on them benefits and, like we said on the last show, yes, and just get to know people genuinely and get to know your damn.
M:So and with that we're in this episode of on the mic with the M. Auntie listen people. You know what you need to do. Subscribe to the channel, hit the like button and hit the little bell, so you get all the newest podcasts out there. Until next time, peace and blessings.