What happens when disrespect and misunderstanding spark a violent encounter in an ordinary Alabama boat dock? This episode illuminates the shocking incident and the broader societal issues it reflects. We investigate how a lack of mutual respect can escalate to violence, further highlighting the need for understanding and acknowledging the rights of others, irrespective of race, gender, or lifestyle.
The conversation doesn't stop there. We delve into parenting, financial independence, and their intersection. We spotlight the nuances of father-son relationships, the impact of intentional parenting, and the complexities of considering having a child. As we dissect the pressures of societal norms, we draw attention to the significant roles men play in society and the importance of recognizing and appreciating their efforts.
Lastly, we grapple with the emotional rollercoaster of relationships as we sift through topics like abortion, social pressure, and personal choice. We advocate for open conversations and the necessity of taking accountability for our actions while emphasizing the importance of individual responsibility in parenting dynamics. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of critical social issues that deeply impact our day-to-day lives. Join us on this journey of discovery and understanding.
Go to http://www.overcometoobecome.com to see all of the Video Podcasts and the other podcasts under the "Overcome 2 Become" YouTube Channel
Follow M at @overcometoobecome and T at @tress_city on Instagram
Email us at overcometoobecome@gmail.com for thoughts, comments and show suggestions. Come join the discussion
What happens when disrespect and misunderstanding spark a violent encounter in an ordinary Alabama boat dock? This episode illuminates the shocking incident and the broader societal issues it reflects. We investigate how a lack of mutual respect can escalate to violence, further highlighting the need for understanding and acknowledging the rights of others, irrespective of race, gender, or lifestyle.
The conversation doesn't stop there. We delve into parenting, financial independence, and their intersection. We spotlight the nuances of father-son relationships, the impact of intentional parenting, and the complexities of considering having a child. As we dissect the pressures of societal norms, we draw attention to the significant roles men play in society and the importance of recognizing and appreciating their efforts.
Lastly, we grapple with the emotional rollercoaster of relationships as we sift through topics like abortion, social pressure, and personal choice. We advocate for open conversations and the necessity of taking accountability for our actions while emphasizing the importance of individual responsibility in parenting dynamics. This episode is a heartfelt exploration of critical social issues that deeply impact our day-to-day lives. Join us on this journey of discovery and understanding.
Go to http://www.overcometoobecome.com to see all of the Video Podcasts and the other podcasts under the "Overcome 2 Become" YouTube Channel
Follow M at @overcometoobecome and T at @tress_city on Instagram
Email us at overcometoobecome@gmail.com for thoughts, comments and show suggestions. Come join the discussion
Ladies and gentlemen, welcome back to On the Mic with the.
Speaker 2:M and.
Speaker 1:T Listen the day T I'm gonna be talking about. We're talking about the ad whipping in Alabama.
Speaker 2:You had to go there.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna go with her, fuck around and find out.
Speaker 2:Oh man, he just got the croc images flowing in man.
Speaker 3:I'm just gonna say I ain't never seen anything like this through his crocs.
Speaker 2:I don't know if he got one of those crocs.
Speaker 3:They wanted to score a little bit.
Speaker 2:The internet he had to find that was the problem.
Speaker 3:The score, more pretest you would get in your feet it does.
Speaker 2:I think Crocs doesn't understand by that, as well, oh, okay.
Speaker 1:He wasn't wearing the crocs properly, ladies and gentlemen, I wanna say this for us why people just can't fucking say, if somebody comes to you and say, hey, can you move your car, cause I gotta do something as a big bus, you say, oh, okay, and get your car and move it. Why the fuck you gotta take it to another level and then get your ass whipped. Why can't people just fucking do things and do it without fucking taking it to the next level and end up getting three pieces and a biscuit and a side word of an ass whip.
Speaker 2:I mean, first of all, they got the whole store. Everybody came through, I don't know why, cause that was sadness, that was just so much disorder, it's so much disrespect and it's like thank goodness everybody didn't just like turn the blind eye and walk away. I know Because that that it could have went any which way.
Speaker 3:No, cause my man swiped the niggas up over him through the hat up in the sky. Is that? What's that stuff in the eyes?
Speaker 2:You had that hat up in the air right and everything was in.
Speaker 1:Why is there a?
Speaker 2:hat float, I mean cause. So the hat float in the air. Kind of shit is happening in your whole emotion.
Speaker 3:Now you gotta pull up and think that was all yeah. And when they pull it up, they're like oh, nigga, nigga, you fought.
Speaker 2:But all these white people say the last, okay, okay, so we bring the caps back because, just in case it hits the fan, you better throw it up in the air and your people better respond accordingly.
Speaker 1:And they didn't in this situation.
Speaker 2:They really did.
Speaker 1:When I saw a little young man in a little 16 year old swimming across, he wasn't walking, he was swimming like his, like crocodiles behind his dad.
Speaker 2:And I don't promote violence. Okay, I don't promote it. We do not promote violence, but in this situation.
Speaker 3:I mean behind us is necessary. Right, it is necessary, but I don't promote it.
Speaker 2:This was a necessary situation and, oh boy, I mean, I need them on my team. Like those are the type of people you want on your team, because he didn't even hesitate. Like everybody sitting on the boat trying to figure out what we're going to do when we get there, he said I'm going to get there, yeah, because I was fucking getting there. Yeah, right now, because me swimming there is faster than y'all. No, he ain't had no time to wait. He said that man doesn't need to help. I'm coming and he came.
Speaker 1:And I proceeded to whip ass and my man, my man with the chair, I'm calling him the chairman. The chair, the chairman of the board, was other. I guess not the board, but the chairman of the dock. Chairman of the dock, thank you, thank you, chairman of the dock. Chairman of the dock, he's working on the joint and he was hitting everybody like a storm coast city, austin and WEN what?
Speaker 2:Oh, my god Damn.
Speaker 3:He didn't know rock.
Speaker 1:He didn't criticize everybody in that picture with that chair.
Speaker 2:And they said, damn, we didn't want to have to do this, he didn't want to have to do these things.
Speaker 3:But it was necessary and he was ready. That was crazy.
Speaker 2:Because I mean, at what point are you just gonna get? Just continue to be pushed over? That it's the push over part for me, the fact that, first of all, they didn't just like the salt list, like any old random black guy who was walking down the little dogs and say, hey, you can't, you can't do that. No, this guy was in his job. Yeah, he was doing what he was supposed to be doing, trying to create and and Keep the order there, mm-hmm. And then you wanna, you went against that. No, that was number why I thought the hat went up in the air, cuz he was like now I got a fight fighting. I don't even get paid enough to do this.
Speaker 3:Yeah.
Speaker 2:Cuz not about to lose my job. Yeah cuz now y'all got me moving my hands around. First of all, Nobody has time for that. No fighting people when they're on the clock? No, not pop eyes. They didn't come to work to fight, right? Only Popeyes workers come to work to fight. That's it, that's we've already defined that.
Speaker 3:No, that's why the house waffle house okay, so goddamn, true.
Speaker 2:But if you're not at the local waffle house or your local Popeyes, these workers, no, they didn't get dressed, they didn't get out of bed, they didn't hit their little punch card to come to fight. No.
Speaker 1:No, it's fucking ridiculous. Yeah again If I have a disagreement, why the fuck I'm touching anybody? Yeah, you said, move your boat. I forgot I moved my boat man, you gotta move your boat cuz big boy coming in, all right, I mean cussing, that's how to say something. I'm a fucking boat. Why am I attacking him for telling me what his job is? I want here, and then your other boys start coming in again. Yeah, yeah, what the fuck on here?
Speaker 2:You was real big cuz, you had your boys with you. Yeah, he said nice, only one security guard. Like forget that.
Speaker 1:And they bring my wife into it. So she got been pointing this shit oh.
Speaker 3:Is the fact that if you wouldn't look at it like awesome, real shit, they didn't know there was all the niggas sitting off in the wings waiting. So if we take that at that whole situation, that face value, their whole goal was to fuck that man up that day.
Speaker 1:Telling hit that one man move the shit.
Speaker 3:Yeah, you're telling us to move our ships. So our response is, as a collective, us eight men, all of us have the same thought we're gonna go beat up this guy. Now. I'm not saying race has anything to do necessarily with the attack. They could have just been a white dude, right? Moving in, the same thing could have happened.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. We're not talking about could have what's wrong with what actually occurred.
Speaker 3:Actually, I was eight white men thought oh, there's one black man was good enough to beat up real quick because he's trying to tell us what to do. What the fuck is this nigga?
Speaker 2:tell us what to do so he thought we're gonna stop off this nigga and that.
Speaker 3:What I think is why, like you see that 16 year old is impressive. I think it's also really sad that at 16 I would have thought the same idea of like damn, we need to do something, but like with the way Our society is now, like he knew he had to, because in that moment when he swung across, it was just that guy by himself. Mm-hmm those other, nobody else had shown up yet the little skipper was giving down.
Speaker 2:Yeah, the guy was going to skip. Yeah, but the six you had already hit the water by that point.
Speaker 3:Yeah, he was Exactly he saw the initials conflict and thought yeah, that's it. Yeah, and now you're sitting. That's the difference between us and there being able to work in, say like thank God, some shit like that happened versus damn, another person got killed.
Speaker 2:Yeah, absolutely, because that could have been the alternative Scenario.
Speaker 3:That's what we're not sitting. That same thing happened at night, with nobody outside. Yeah, these got killed easily, easily because it's eight people who could have easily been drunk, thinking we just like let's just fuck this guy up.
Speaker 3:Mm-hmm, keep it pushing and I think that's really the biggest concern is that y'all thought that shit was gonna be like the play and then you got. You got found the fuck out when you saw all the niggas come down, because guess what, I guarantee every other person who came down there wasn't thinking damn that security guard got jumped. It was. I'm tired. It's like people fucking us, fucking us up.
Speaker 2:Yeah no, all of a sudden it went from something very to something very general.
Speaker 1:Yeah because we've seen it enough. And again for you motherfuckers out there to keep saying oh, racism doesn't exist, you goofy motherfuckers, it exists all over.
Speaker 2:You may not want to see it, but do we want to talk about Right in front of your face and you're, you know, house toes and you're a small little knit bit of comfort Right and be grateful for that. Absolutely but everybody doesn't get to just stay in their small little bit of comfort.
Speaker 1:No, that man wanted was doing his fucking job. Yeah that man say, hey, big boat, little boat, you got get out the way. That's what he's thinking about. He's gonna go back, sit on this chair, where the hell he was said that, and you move your little boat, but you want to take it to the next level.
Speaker 2:Mm-hmm.
Speaker 1:And then you took it to the next level. You just thought it's like all the other shit you see on TV, the all. The end results gonna be this and they're not gonna get prosecuted. We've seen it multiple times in Georgia and the most places in this country. But those people say you fucked around, they're gonna find out yes, you did find out. I'm not happy it changed the gun out of the hands. Oh, what are we doing here? Let's talk about it. What?
Speaker 3:they needed to do, have looked at the white counterpart who put up that very wonderful take talk I've seen years ago. This is grass. I think the best part of the scenario is that For every black person that says there's like man, I'm not sure how there is a house nigga who's sitting at home saying, no man, we can't keep fighting white people. Why do I let people go get so excited? Why, by seeing black people fuck up white people? I because I know history. Yes, I know this time where that wasn't even an option.
Speaker 3:No, where I just have to be black and get my ass fucked up and just hope for the that I don't die today and I can make it back home Absolutely to see my family to say, hey, what happened to you, don't worry about it. Yes, Suck it up go write the fuck back outside tomorrow and do the same thing because it boils down to right and wrong too.
Speaker 2:Right, Absolutely. Yeah the people were wrong in that situation and then there was no one there to help correct that wrong. The police weren't present initially, right.
Speaker 2:No and so what? You were just gonna watch the situation go down. And so, yeah, we're gonna be excited because we just saw what we felt like was a little bit of equality happening, like not only did the black people jump in and help the situation kind of even the odds as well but the police showed up and they decided on the proper side, it seemed like when they came to create the order there. So if someone has a problem with you know a certain group being excited over that situation, yeah, it's for a proper reason.
Speaker 1:So we say fuck off, because we see it on a constant basis. Like I said, it's not like it's, you know, something that happened a hundred years ago or 20 years ago should happen like this every fucking week, mm-hmm, turn that shit on. Every week something come on IG or internet, yep, but some fucked up.
Speaker 2:Little town random fucking yeah but it can happen in the town right next to you.
Speaker 1:Next thing.
Speaker 2:You know it's, you know it's in your back and neck back. What is it backyard?
Speaker 1:So no, and we got. When I was Alabama, I saw fuck you know, you got you something down there because that shit could have went sideways Real quick. Yep, and then we have another hashtag out there, unnecessary hashtag absolutely, yeah, absolutely.
Speaker 2:And then you know all the chairing and whatnot. Those same people who say, oh, you know they got a problem with this chairing. Then what they gonna say when those hashtags are created?
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:They're gonna say, is that person's fault too? Like which way?
Speaker 1:Like come on, no, at some point we gotta become responsible for our goddamn decisions.
Speaker 2:We don't.
Speaker 1:And I'm tired of people hiding behind bullshit. You know and you can really use race or gender or whatever to justify your bullshit, but really, if you're Christian or any other religious person, you shouldn't be going. Basing your shit based on who they are is what they've done to you. If they didn't do anything to you, why you fucking with them?
Speaker 2:Yeah, that's why that's my whole thing. I mean, it was hate, that was nothing, but just hatred.
Speaker 1:Prime example remember the young kid I think he was doing Vogue. I think it was in this area and he got stabbed. Some kids stabbed him because he was voguing. Um, I think it was in DC, Young kid, he was just got the bus.
Speaker 2:For some reason, it was trending, lately, though, on the social media.
Speaker 1:And the kids just stabbed him, call him all kinds of homophobic names and everything and stabbed him and killed the kid. The kid was just buying his own business outside. I think it was like a 7-Eleven or something. He was out there just voguing and he walked through and stabbed him. Now you and kill this young man because he's expressing himself. What the hell him being gay had to do with your, your, your man or how you feel against the majority?
Speaker 3:of the kids? What is the next man doing anything bothering you for?
Speaker 2:I mean you out in the public touching somebody who's doing the what. Well, you know, like, like, like, um anything, so you could be so now you could just be walking down the street and get stabbed up for walking down the street wrong Like you're just bothering people. You went out of your way to bother someone, in other words.
Speaker 1:Yes, and kill this kid and your goofy ass gonna hopefully try years on the dough. Fuck that kid, shit Cause you went out there and stabbed.
Speaker 2:How old was the kid? Do we know Uh?
Speaker 1:17, 16, 17. The kid that stabbed him. So that's the case. You gotta pay the price for that.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:You can't go around and do some bullshit like that and think that oh, you know what she made me mad Cause he was, he looked gay. Leave motherfuck people. Leave fucking people alone.
Speaker 3:I'm not fucking with you or fuck with your kids or you, or your property or your house.
Speaker 1:Leave in the fuck alone. Stop giving your goddamn opinion of their lives. You look at your goddamn life. Your life ain't too goddamn good either. So stop fucking around. Go around telling people you're a glass house throwing fucking stones, you're fucking glass over your holes on this shit. Stop that shit, god. Fucking Imperfect people trying to make people perfect in the imperfect world.
Speaker 2:I mean, that's how you justify your lifestyle Cause you're not doing what they're doing, so it's like it's better.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and why is it threat to you? Why the fuck is somebody else's life or how they live their lives a threat to you.
Speaker 2:It's really not, but you ain't got nothing else to do, so you're like why not? Hmm, let me bother this person. I mean, you killed somebody for voguing outside. You could just get in your car and leave what you needed and leave, yes, the fucking people behind bars. Family stressed out as you didn't have no job, which means you had no money. So now who's paying for all your legal fees?
Speaker 1:Exactly. Oh, and we see is on a consistent basis, and then you always will blame all the kids. This kid, let me say it. We always say that people who are mentally disabled are. You know they're not normal. Okay, but you never see a mentally disabled person going in and fuck somebody up, just walking there and just start whipping people's asses.
Speaker 2:Right.
Speaker 1:This will be unstable. They're not supposed to be normal, right, but you never see the quote. Unquote abnormal people like that.
Speaker 2:But they comprehend, don't harm others.
Speaker 1:Yes, they'll speak to you. Like I said when you go to go to someplace and they're bagging your groceries something, they'll speak to you. There's always pleasant, but yeah, they're the ones that will be disabled. Yep, is that true? Or we really disabled? Because, again, I don't understand and you can't justify your actions. If nobody, if your life is not threatened, why? Why are you even doing some fucking shit like why?
Speaker 2:Hatred again.
Speaker 1:Hatred. Now, the hatred is really your tough.
Speaker 2:It is You're taking yourself your personal problem. I don't know the people Exactly.
Speaker 1:That's not what you, you know, and as a society, we got to do fucking better because this shit is not going to. It's getting worse and worse. And the kids are seeing this shit, they are it's getting fucking worse.
Speaker 2:And then you wonder why the kids are doing fuck shit Right now. What is the 16 and 17 year olds? It's like what's going on with this group? Take a look at what they've seen. What's going on with this group? The 16 and 17 year olds this thing that we posted began prepared for college and you know that next step in life and but I'm in the bag.
Speaker 3:At one I say that the Paris Sondays are shit, but Look at your fucking kids. Okay, y'all niggas are trash. You don't raise your kids with any semis of fucking care or wonder for anyone else in this world but themselves. They can be selfish and not be a dick, and a lot of instances people don't realize that those things are separate, that you can care about yourself, you can want the best for you and not want negative for others.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Parenting Parents. You can't just have these kids and then throw them out there like some seeds and then say, yeah, I fit for themselves and they'll be all right, and then, when they grow up, fucked up. You're like, oh, I don't know how that happened.
Speaker 2:Take ownership, be responsible for your fucking actions, because again, or you can't raise them without the intent to raise them a certain type of way. Hello, like you can't just like freestyle it.
Speaker 1:No.
Speaker 2:Like this whole concept and idea of just like freestyle parenting, like you might not be a free range parent, but you definitely freestyle parenting out here, like a lot of people are. That's why you see the children you know they're allowed to have guns. They're allowed to have tattoos. You know you're allowed to listen to the same type of music all the time. You know you're allowed to come home after school and do nothing You're allowed to. You know, not be involved in the community You're allowed to not. You know, have to volunteer. You know and actually get out there these things that you know your parents are allowing, you know the kids to do. You didn't raise them in clubs we talk about that all the time Like you have to raise your kids and something you have to do, something.
Speaker 3:Yeah, I think it's a sense of purpose or a sense of understanding and reasoning.
Speaker 2:When you are raised and you do have things that you need to get done being on the sports team or whatever you learn things like cohesion and competition very quickly and hurt and hurt and loss and failure and disappointment, and so with those things comes the coping mechanisms that come with it, and it also comes like being knowledgeable, like I'm not trying to push hurt directly on to other people, because I don't want that feeling pushed off back on to me.
Speaker 1:Absolutely.
Speaker 2:So it was just like, yeah, you got to take your kids out there and you have to raise them intentionally to be good people, intentionally to be built up solid and emotionally sound.
Speaker 3:Nothing has raised passively does. Well, you know what I mean Absolutely. You got to put anything in the world that you think of, that has been successful, that has done anything worth a damn, has been nurtured. Yeah, your company doesn't just open up the doors one day and say we want to make millions of dollars and make millions Like no, they come up with a business plan.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. They have a vision and a goal.
Speaker 3:You can't raise your kids with no vision and no fucking goal.
Speaker 2:You are a case where you have a human right.
Speaker 3:Human comes out of your body, as a lady or human, comes out of your wife's body or your baby mama's body.
Speaker 2:How the fuck you on wordy.
Speaker 3:Now you have this little life.
Speaker 2:You might not know what you want to do with it instantly.
Speaker 3:But God damn y'all have at least the basic thing of you know what I'm going to make sure that my kid has confidence in themselves. It's kind, it's just an idea for your child.
Speaker 2:First things first happy.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:When, first thing when you have a child, first thing you want to make sure is your kid feels loved and happy, absolutely, you're getting positive around the child.
Speaker 1:Yes.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's the most basic thing. And like when you start taking away love and happiness and stop surrounding you know your kid with that. Yes, are you doing it with intention? Did you intentionally remove happiness out of the home?
Speaker 1:See, that's what I'm saying. A lot of parents, first of all, that's something that, no, I teach you how to be a parent, let's just start that off. But the basics should be just like you take care of a dog. We've been on the same before in one of previous podcasts some people take care of the fucking dogs but, they take care of the kids.
Speaker 1:Yes, they do. You did it at the same, when you see the cute little puppy face that you know can't take it yourself. You take care of this cute little baby. Can't. Can I, can I take care of itself?
Speaker 1:It cannot be that you're changing. You do all that stuff. You have to be mindful, you have to be in the moment. You have to also understand that it's not a part of turning off, because this is a human, to suck in everything it's fun, doesn't know is going. You put bullshit out there for that kid. See, we think a kid's gonna suck up bullshit. Yep, I don't want to be crying, I'm a fucking baby. They gonna get up and go and fix his own fucking dinner and go back to sleep. So change your fucking attitude. That means you have to now say okay, I can't be self. I do have a kid after they care. I have to, and that goes for both parents, not just the mother.
Speaker 2:Well, absolutely goes to both parents, because the children are seeing both sides of things and whether the side is present or not present, they still feel the absence if you're not present, so you can pretend like you know. Oh well, they just felt you know one parent and was reflected and receive you know what that parent put out there, but they also receive, you know your absence. So either way you slice the pie, the children are going to see, feel whatever the parents put down and you're not doing it with intention and you have a problem as a parent Like you cannot just freestyle range, free free range your children.
Speaker 1:Like what no?
Speaker 2:not just going to raise themselves.
Speaker 1:No, that's the other kids do not raise themselves. You have to have some sort of vision. I can tell you. When my son was born, I was leaving the hospital. I remember looking up in the sky, the full moon. I say how the fuck at? At 29 years of age I got the responsibility Me and my wife got the responsibility of raising this little human and I remember just just driving with tear in my eyes saying don't fuck this up.
Speaker 2:Wow, wow. Do not waste are different on the males and the females.
Speaker 1:I think it should be, because so when I see boys that don't want to deal with their kids because the baby mother is this and she that she doesn't give a fuck, that's still your kid. That kid will grow up and that kid will have a certain view of you, either a good one or bad. And I don't want to hear because I heard like she's such a bitch. Every time I go over there she won't let me see the kid. And I do all this Now I got dudes on the court.
Speaker 1:The court system deal with that shit.
Speaker 3:And I'm glad you said that, because I was reading a Reddit post the other day and I'm mad I can't read it verbatim because my cameras, the thing, my phone is the thing recording this. But in essence they were saying how, when couples get together, right, everybody has like a predetermined expectation of the other gender, right? We've had that conversation before. So they were saying that this book that they read, there was a study done across a bunch of couples and what they did is they had each the males and females write like, give themselves points. So, like if you were, if you felt like you were contributing positively to the household, you give yourself a point, depending on what the thing is. So let's say, you go to work, you're working overtime as a guy, you might give yourself a point. As a lady, you might sit there and say, oh, I took the kids to soccer practice today, like, you give yourself a point. Or I cleaned the house, like dishes, or I also want to work today, give yourself a point. And then the goal was once you give yourself points, then rate your partner, you can get them a point for, hey, they took the kids to school, she cleaned the house, whatever. So you give points for them Right. By the same token, you also take away points. You do things that might mess up. You take away points from your partner when they do things that you find that's up the group. And so they did the study. I think I want to sit closer to year and halfway through the study.
Speaker 3:Half of the groups, half of the couples, they had them do like a half year review, for lack of a better term where they said, okay, here's your, here's your checklist of like the things you gave yourself points for, things you gave your partner points for, and what they found is that for men they would the points that men would give themselves vastly differentiated from the points that they wisely would give. Men's point structure would be way higher than women's. So if a guy went to work and did overtime and got the cars fixed up and bought groceries, he gives himself points for all those things right, but the wife might knock him from working overtime. We knock him for like, yeah, you went and did these dishes but you weren't home and take to join us for family dinner. And so they were saying, on average, the women's scoring based on what they gave themselves and what their husbands gave them, were around. I think the differential was like 20 points.
Speaker 1:Wow.
Speaker 3:The differential between what men gave themselves and what women gave men was like 40 or 50 points.
Speaker 2:Oh, wow.
Speaker 3:Because, a lot of things that guys saw as benefits were all considered negatives.
Speaker 2:Yeah, wow, I could say that.
Speaker 3:So in that half year review the couples got a chance to say like here's things I gave myself credit for. And then you start to see like couples who were husbands were working overtime but weren't home, yeah, they were working overtime and they had to have money for the house, but now the kids don't get a chance to see them, the wife doesn't get a chance to see them, so the wife would actually have them in like negative points.
Speaker 3:You know, he would have himself as a positive outlook.
Speaker 3:So with those couples in particular, when they did that half year review, by the time they finished the whole study, those couples were stronger. All of them reported having stronger relationships after the fact. Because what happened was they realized that. Or the whole purpose of the study was to say that by communicating you realize how vastly different people's morals and values are, and then you can find, as a collective, a working strategy, a parenting strategy, a couple strategy that makes you both happy. So, yeah, you might have to work overtime, but you compensate as a guy, compensating with your overtime by saying meet me instead of going to the gym the next day, take the family out, and the wife would then balance out that scoring Because, yeah, you might get knocked for being overtime, but then you went ahead and did something for the family Because that was important to your wife. But, by the same token, the other half of the couples who did not do that and they waited to the very end, I think they said something like 20 or 30% of them ended up in divorce.
Speaker 2:I think that was a very powerful way to show how the perception between couples is so, or can be, so broadly different. And just by the communicating and identifying that man you're looking that away and I'm looking this way and we can talk about that, that that change can occur. But the fact that we go so long without identifying that right because don't get me wrong you do feel like you know I'm out here in the trenches working hard back, sweating body aching.
Speaker 1:You know she's on my. You ain't home enough not cause.
Speaker 2:you're not home enough, yeah, and then that all that overtime they got taxed and you talking about some new working on what are you doing? What are you coming home? So it can be a major disconnect, right, and just seeing that difference in how we perceive in each other, wow, that's powerful. I'm glad you brought that up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, that's deep, but you put a very important thing about conversation, communication, because if you don't communicate, you will never know.
Speaker 2:Well, to me the little, the way that they broke that thing down, like we need to find that whole little scoring chart because we can talk to what?
Speaker 3:we like and cool part about I'm glad you mentioned the scoring chart is because I thought the same thing, like what was a scoring chart and it was specifically made so that you dictated your own scoring Because they're like well, how would, if you say like, what's the basis of a one and what would a one be Like? Oh, like she kissed me on the cheek Good morning.
Speaker 2:So are you saying we're going to create it ourselves? That's what they did.
Speaker 3:They had all the couples kind of create a rubric for their scoring so like okay, if kissing me on the cheek is a one, then like us, having sex is like a four, yeah. So, then if you don't, you withhold sex now. It's like a negative.
Speaker 2:A negative.
Speaker 3:yeah, you see what I mean and the purpose of that is just to show how important that thing is to it is in your own value system. So then that one is way less important than I think. That's a four or five. And you can make a rubric where you say five of these things it's sex, it's date night, it's vacations, it's these big things.
Speaker 3:But like the ones on the little minutiae, and what you find is that you've got five points because she and I have sex with you every week, but you're not given a credit for taking care of the kids and I give them the credit for watching. Wow, not those things, because that's what you expected her to do.
Speaker 2:We've gone a lifetime communicating with words, now we see numbers, so now we can see it just a little bit different.
Speaker 1:Yes, I think that's amazing, that's tight and that's just beating you can do that with children too.
Speaker 2:You can do that with children if you really think about it, right.
Speaker 3:Yes.
Speaker 2:Because how you feel like you're communicating and putting down your love and you know you're careful your child, your child, is not going to receive it the same way and in different phases and stages of their lives, right?
Speaker 1:That is very, very true. You know, there's one something that producer, my son, said a long time ago. He said a lot of people don't call their sons son. You know, one time he was online I said hey, what's going on? Somebody said what's your dad calling? Call me son, I never call him, he just called me by my first name.
Speaker 1:That's what he always called me, son, yep, and it was like because I purposely did that, because again you could be, and I've seen people call somebody by their first name, but the relationship was always like that too, it's like they weren't close. It was just like father son, but the father and my son, but they weren't close enough to be like that. And you see, as he got older, that the father at that point like oh, I wonder why you don't have a relationship. Well, you won't, because to him you're just my kid.
Speaker 1:But, not really my kid. You know I had you, but I don't want to give you that kind of You're a kid that I had versus my child. And those are always two different things.
Speaker 3:So the kid that you had is just like. That's how you know what the baby mom, baby daddy issues.
Speaker 1:Those are just kids, you had You're detached children. Yeah, exactly. And why are you detached from your own kid?
Speaker 2:Yeah, because you chose. Ok, I'm not going to do that.
Speaker 3:I'm not going to do that. I'm sorry.
Speaker 2:I am sorry. Some of these men did not choose to be detached from their children. I'm going to retract this thing, carry on. I don't know why they're detached from their children. They all have different stories.
Speaker 1:And see, and this is why I say once you can play these adult games and then they go. You know we can do all that. We have sex. Don't put on the condom. I don't like condoms.
Speaker 2:Nobody has that conversation.
Speaker 1:You know, I had me tell her don't put that, that kind of breaks me out.
Speaker 2:Bet you were really broke out when you had this kid Really broke out.
Speaker 1:But there's a lot of whole lot conversation. He's like, ok, but still thinking the fuck, the feeling. What would happen if I have a baby by this goofy motherfucker?
Speaker 2:Yeah, nobody thinks that far. It's just like a little Russian rule that you know, little prayer, little hope and pretty in 18 years later and all the corpses See, guys.
Speaker 1:And now you mad boys, you come mad. Ok, we should go pregnant.
Speaker 2:No, no, they never mad about you being pregnant. It's like I can't believe she chose to keep the baby. What the fuck? That's not the part that you're supposed to be mad. It's like you know. She knew it wasn't in a relationship. Why would she keep the baby? Like ah, I guess. So I'm going to take a while.
Speaker 3:No it's a logistical thing Because it goes back to guy thinking and women thinking. We've had this conversation.
Speaker 2:OK, ok, ok, Let me go with the perception thing.
Speaker 3:Right, it's the guy thought of like you and I know we're not in a relationship, right? So therefore you know that we really shouldn't be even remotely connected outside of the fun times that we're having.
Speaker 2:So then you decide to have it.
Speaker 3:You got pregnant Right.
Speaker 2:Then, more than likely, I told you Because I got pregnant, because you got pregnant, you got pregnant, I got pregnant, yeah, you see, you got pregnant, I get it, yeah, right.
Speaker 3:So now it's OK, but you know we're not together, right, and you're like yeah, we're not together, but you know what you want to think. Now that we had a baby, we're connected.
Speaker 2:We connected forever.
Speaker 3:Locked up Because, clint, that's what was happening. Because you try to make that connection of saying like, well, you know you're unstable, I know we're unstable, so we shouldn't have this kid when it's not just a simple thing.
Speaker 2:I don't want to have no kid in the womb Like no, there's a whole process to have abortion, right, right.
Speaker 3:It's a whole wear and tear yeah.
Speaker 2:Niggas want you to size you the money.
Speaker 3:But ignore the fact that, OK, you slid her the money, but she still has to deal with the emotional and hormonal changes that come with being pregnant and then no longer being pregnant and I had been actually getting my hearing nails done and now, all of a sudden, you got abortion money between you and my hearing. What the hell?
Speaker 2:Oh no, my dad is a baby and we about to go chill.
Speaker 3:Yes, so you think that you're vocally sitting there saying like I'm showing you all the reasons why this is not going to work? In logically speaking, you're correct as a guy. We're correcting the sense that this is probably not going to work if that's the mentality that we're already approaching it with before you even have the child. Wow, he's already showing you, he's disconnected, the moment you give you money to have the abortion and you decide against it.
Speaker 3:Or the moment that you say, hey, we're pregnant and now you can't find that nigga, he's telling you. In that moment he ain't money and shit. So you have a choice to make. In a lot of cases women make the choice to have the kid. That makes sense because this could be worse not having the child in a lot of senses than just having the baby. Problem is now you want that nigga to be a part of it because you realize that having a child like yourself is very stressful.
Speaker 2:Well, I don't want him to be a part of it. His kid is looking for a balance in that.
Speaker 3:Because you want the kid to have a balance, not me.
Speaker 2:The kid wants balance the kid doesn't want anything.
Speaker 3:The kid doesn't want to be in the woods.
Speaker 2:The kid doesn't even realize what he wants. It's like man I want a different taste of the ice to hold me. Hey this lady seems stressed that night. Where's somebody else to pick me up at night? No, the babies know that the fathers aren't there. They want them. They're yearning for their dads. I don't think so, he said. They don't even realize they're not there.
Speaker 1:They don't realize what's going on, not that point they're just existing.
Speaker 3:Babies are just there. The problem is you're the adult. You should recognize that. Oh, what happened when kids like there's too many examples. You can look at your own best friends.
Speaker 2:You can look at your parents.
Speaker 3:You can look at your parent your mom, your uncle, who are all by themselves. There's a lot more people nowadays wanting to be by themselves than there are people who can actually be by themselves. Yeah, y'all can inspire them to be by themselves. Y'all can't afford to live on your own.
Speaker 3:I think there was another good post I saw that was saying back in the day it was commonplace to find groups of adults who live together when you look at old TV shows like a living single or friends like it's grown adults 25, 27, 28, 29, 30, 32, 35 in homes with other people because we all can't live on our own when we have good jobs, it's just that we can't afford to live on our own, but it wasn't considered a necessity.
Speaker 2:They were almost like that To live on your own Right to live on your own.
Speaker 3:Like it was almost like oh yeah, you get some friends and y'all live together. Y'all split the cost so it makes it easier on everyone. When you move out 9 out of 10, you're moving out because you're with a couple Like you two are fewer with another person, and now you two go out because you're still not living by yourself. You're now living with a completely different individual who should be your wife or who is your husband or something that was always kind of the expectation back in the day.
Speaker 3:Whereas now it's almost like oh, if you're not living by yourself, you're not doing it right, but nobody can live by themselves effectively nowadays without breaking the bank or having a really good job.
Speaker 2:Something had to sacrifice. You have to work in all the time to enjoy a house that you never home at.
Speaker 3:I pay for a place every month to lay my head down Because that's the only time I can spend in there, because I need to spend the rest of my time affording the place to lay my head down at.
Speaker 2:Instead of just spending right with someone. That's where we're at in America.
Speaker 1:Absolutely, absolutely. And again you are now raising kids, bringing kids into the situation you can't take care of yourself. This is, let's be honest. You've got two, a man or a woman, getting together and then kicking in and all that stuff. They probably couldn't live separately. They had to combine their income to live in a nice place, Because, again, you can live in any place, right, right, in a nice place.
Speaker 1:Here's an example. Went to Puerto Rico. We were looking at houses in Puerto Rico. We were gonna say if you buy one or rent one, how's the buying Puerto Rico would cost you about four, five hundred thousand dollars. Mm, hmm, to rent in Puerto Rico one bedroom, one bath, two thousand five hundred dollars.
Speaker 2:Wow In.
Speaker 1:Puerto Rico and they're building a new ship there and we walked by and the guy was like, yeah, it's gonna be a combination. Oh, you can rent condos and what's the rent for the condo? They're starting to put thirty five to fifty five hundred dollars a month to rent a condo in San Juan, puerto Rico. They're starting in the next couple of years. They're going it should be finished in Puerto Rico, which is not New York, not California. So everything is going up. Everything's like you wouldn't think.
Speaker 1:Oh damn, that's a lot of money, but that's the way things are now. So as a person who's out there mingling in the dating world the last, the first thing when your mind's like, yeah, she's cute, she fine, all that, but what a kid, I can't afford to get shit. I can take her hands out right now to go get something to eat for dinner, but now we fuck around and we're going to kick it. We're going to have sex because I'm putting that money out there. I got to get that honey pot.
Speaker 1:I got to get it. Now, I may not have my American Express on me at night, but I'm going to assume that you know that we can't afford to have kids, so we was going to wing it that night.
Speaker 2:No, I can't tell nothing. I can't tell nothing. Uh, all I know is that I was in love, love. We had went out to eat, did the dude. Nine months later, I'm like, oh, where he at. Yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and now it's a weird concept that it seems like the man is that one thing that's so many women is just not on the table like abortion Right. It's just not even the option. So if you land down with somebody who you know you decide to play Russian roulette with, in that person, abortion is not an option for them. Your whole conversation's just and it is. It is because she's sitting there siding with her body and everything like I don't know about your expenses, I don't know about your or anything else, I just know about my body and it's mine.
Speaker 1:And there's a problem because now you're like God damn it. I thought she's going to go ahead and do the right thing.
Speaker 2:We just had two totally different conversations right, Whereas yours was very logical. I mean, we could punch numbers, you know, we can do stats and everything.
Speaker 3:Yeah, very qualitative situation.
Speaker 2:Whereas from a woman's perspective, like no, it's very qualitative.
Speaker 1:And I'm glad you bought that point about abortions. You stupid motherfuckers out there Keep thinking that. Abortion everybody. The first thing women do is this go, I have a baby, I'm going to abortion. That's not the fucking truth. That's clear, because everybody keeps thinking that happens all the fucking time.
Speaker 2:That's what it sounds like, that's what the men are mad at Like oh, you got pregnant and you want.
Speaker 3:Oh, you don't keep the baby, like some Just speaking nine times out of ten the woman's going to get the baby.
Speaker 3:Yes, just because people further realize that, like just with the conversation, actually we will transgender people. Like there's a whole people seem to underestimate the power of social pressure, like they just not really trying to deal with upending their, their infrastructure for something that they can afford. So you tell a woman, hey, like you can go have an abortion. Like, yeah, but I'm a Christian woman, I was raised in the Christian house. Oh, my mother's going to be fucking insane, she's going to lose her shit, and I can't let nobody else know, because if somebody else finds out that I'm going to get kicked out the church or I'm going to get you know, like, so it's not a pressure alone.
Speaker 3:We'll stop most people from doing things they want to do but they think are the thing that they want to accomplish. And abortion is not just like with transgender, it's just like with gays. Not eat, oh, that just makes you like fucking. Why not Like that's just you're supposed to walk?
Speaker 3:No, it's very much taboo still, like even though, logistically speaking, we've had these conversations. Logistically speaking, these things should be non conversation starters. It should be OK. If this person wants to do that with their life, let them do that with their life. We had to start the conversation with that.
Speaker 3:But at the end of the day, like People also don't want to protect themselves. And if you leave, guess what? You leave as the guy. Because you don't want the kid, I asked the woman to have the abortion. Great Guess what? You don't have to deal with any of the fallout. Nope, I do. I do so if you leave. And now you're like OK, cool, she, she and I have that kid.
Speaker 3:We're done. I still not have to live with, like I said, the hormonal shifts. But now let's say somebody knows my family, know my kids, my other kids find out somebody else. You know what I mean. Like now it's all. Now I might be getting bounced off the church for this and all this Shame I still have a chance.
Speaker 2:It's a shame, yeah, relationship the show for I don't have a kid to show for it.
Speaker 3:I just have a fucked up body, fucked up emotions and a fucked up regular everyday life.
Speaker 1:Now, yeah, I mean nothing from that. And on top of all of that, the one thing we haven't mentioned is say, something goes horribly wrong during the abortion process and it could ruin your possible of having a future kid. Because, again, people feel to realize that it's not as simple as going and pulling a tooth.
Speaker 2:Right, right Complicated.
Speaker 1:So you hit the wrong thing, or hit the wrong tube or whatever. It's the surgical procedures.
Speaker 2:If it's surgically right, like, come on, keep it real it's. This is. These are medical procedures and you know it should be respected as such and everybody is not going to run to go have medical procedures that you're volunteering for. No, and you cannot look at a woman and be like that this doesn't make sense, that you don't want to go do this, which, like it, actually does make sense.
Speaker 1:Because the baby is in her.
Speaker 2:I can't tell again.
Speaker 1:I can't tell you how to control your body and it'll wash your baby to people. Nobody should tell you what to do with your body. I'm just saying that. So you choose. You choose based on you.
Speaker 2:You know it is your choice.
Speaker 1:But I understand the repercussions behind that because there's going to be some things that you're going to go through because you're going to feel a lot of emotion. Then the guy person who looked at that with the stupid motherfucker learn from that. Maybe maybe not, but if a guy did go there you say you know what? I'm going to ask that question, I'm not going to get it because that's a she got kept in doubt.
Speaker 1:You know the situation. She didn't adopt a bullet point, of course. So let me go have that conversation. Oh, what are you smart up to have that conversation, the next one to get involved with, because they don't want to get caught in that situation. But that's a conversation you don't have you don't say well, you know what? How do you feel about abortion? You're like a brainer, because you can be like, and why are you saying that to me?
Speaker 2:We don't have the proper conversations. We're OK to lay down and exchange bodies, but we don't want to exchange thoughts Like anyway, who suffers? Yes, children, if they're running around in house, those that you know aren't necessarily bonded together and aren't, you know, thriving for, you know, their success type of thing.
Speaker 1:And we've seen stories of it. I'm the guy that bought McDonald's for his kid Then bring it back down for three kids.
Speaker 2:You already know we're going to drag that little kid.
Speaker 1:Yes, Like they my motherfucking kids. I bought it from my son. She told him to take that shit back and you eat it because I'm not bringing what's bringing all the rest of what you think that's wrong. She should have done that to me.
Speaker 3:Trust me, you know you mess with women. Multiple kids. No, I fucked them. Kids. That man's fault? No, it's not that man's fault.
Speaker 2:But I'm going to tell you what would happen in real life. Right, and it doesn't matter if that was all of our dads or just one day. If that singles one of us kids out and buys one of us something and give me that, we are going to take it collectively. Oh, one of us is going to take it. Sibling rivalry is real. We're going to grow up and we're going to be attacking the person who constantly got singled out and we're going to eat your chicken nuggets and we're going to laugh you out like you, damn right, and I'm a pain. That's why I'm a fight. That's why you can't do that.
Speaker 3:I'm going to take my kid, take your damn kid about here, but that's when you're the thing, and that's the scenario. She wouldn't even go with that. Well, she was like well, then look, if you don't want to have the food in front of the kids. I hear that. They send my kid down here and then he would be not. He's not eating it at all because you bring nothing for no for the rest of the kids.
Speaker 2:Right, I get what you're coming from, because that's true.
Speaker 3:That's how. That's how people are Well. I mean one person gets special treatment.
Speaker 2:Yeah Over everyone else.
Speaker 3:That other person is automatically ostracized. We had a conversation on the podcast that isn't out yet. Let's go and come out talking about leadership. We had a discussion about whether or not you have big team meetings or whether or not you have like people. I said we had individual conversations. I was the point to say you do both. You have a big team meeting and the little one, and we're also on the side of saying, look, no, you just get with the people who you need to deal with individually. When you deal with people individually, my mentality has always been we pick people out. You do the same thing that you just mentioned of isolating and saying, hey, this person is different than the collective.
Speaker 2:You deal with the collective, that you deal with the individual.
Speaker 3:separate, you let everybody know this is not cool, because guess what, for every good person who works well, if every person who works like a piece of shit, there's the people who are sitting on the line people who could do good work and they feel like they are incentivized enough. But we'll just as easily go and do the shit that the other people who aren't doing anything are because like, hey man, we all get paid the same check Right, I can just do what they're doing. So you had that big meeting.
Speaker 2:You say, hey, the niggas in the middle, y'all can go.
Speaker 3:Either way, I'm letting you know, I'm watching these guys too.
Speaker 1:So now you have a choice you can join them when I go to Brown everyone up later.
Speaker 3:Or you can stay and recognize that like, oh, I can't even begin a slide, because if I try to slide, now.
Speaker 2:I know they're watching us.
Speaker 3:Yeah, mm. Hmm, yeah, I don't like. That is like the, the, the reason why you don't isolate those kids.
Speaker 1:So that's why, when she said like I'm not thinking this upstairs that makes sense because you ain't gonna be in your teeth Fucked up when they get a little sense with the chicken Like, and the rest of the kids are like no, you get a thousand.
Speaker 3:I'm three kids. Don't write fucking kids.
Speaker 2:They don't deserve it because they follow the show, that's not my fault.
Speaker 1:I'm thinking of my child.
Speaker 3:Great. Now you have to take your child Now.
Speaker 2:she made it difficult for him to take his kid, which is why I feel, like she fucked up, Like she didn't fuck up there neither, because you can't just come inside of a household full of children that I'm trying to create and maintain order and and create, like a little wild car, situations that break up a slight. Your time with the child has been defined as weekends. Come here, you want to do special lunches during the weekend so that the children know and get used to something that is stable and normal, because I'm going to hope that if one kid which we know is not true, but we're going to hope that at least if one kid is going to dad's house on the weekend, at least half of them possibly should be going. So we know that only on the weekends. You know we have this like dad wild card.
Speaker 2:But like the pop up and pop up and get special treatment. No, that even that will become an issue amongst a group of siblings that's growing up within the same household. It's a total different dynamic when you have siblings that grow up in the same household versus, like you know, your weekend sibling and or you know your step person who you see, you know during the summer times and stuff like that. But, like my regular sibling, you, your dad, just somebody just came and picked you up and you had a special lunch and a punchy right in your damn throat.
Speaker 2:I'm not sure what I would recall happening, you know, wow.
Speaker 3:And I think that's so sad for, like the kid that is blessed enough to have a nigga who ain't shit, is that you then get treated like the age shit kids.
Speaker 2:I mean, I'm like a better word.
Speaker 3:I mean because those kids parents aren't shit. Yeah, my dad can't be in my life.
Speaker 2:Well, and that's basically. You know, that's the stability that has that, my opinion, would have to be created because you know, as a mom let's say, you got four kids I can't just live. You know, to make sure one child is super comfortable and taken care of, I have to make sure that all of these kids inside this household feel equal. I have to make sure they all feel comfortable. I have to make sure they all feel taken care of and that's my job. And I know that you want to be the best dad out here, but we're not together, so you're not like the head of this household, so you can't kind of just come in and, you know, leave out as you please, Because that's just not something that you know me and you got into.
Speaker 3:So there, for a token, I agree with that. I will also say, though, that Then that's what you signed up for.
Speaker 2:Absolutely.
Speaker 3:You are actively sabotaging the rest of your children because you made bad decisions.
Speaker 2:I don't think it's sabotaging. I think it's like you're shielding a little bit because you made bad choices. Yeah, the children always are going to have to sit in parents choices, whether they be the good choices, whether they be the bad choices. Right, your parents were successful in life. You sit in a comfortable home because of it. You get to ride in certain cars. Because of it, you get the vacation in certain areas. Because of it, your parents got unstable finances, didn't really come from much, didn't really complete things that they set out for. You're going to have the consequences of the choices that they took and it's not right, but it is what it is.
Speaker 1:That is true. It's very fucking true. And again, that goes back to when you deal with a one-year-old kid and you're a man that wanted to get involved with her, you as a man should say, okay, if I get involved with her, she always has two kids three kids. Do I have a conversation with her about I don't want any more kids, or I? Don't think I should have kids with you, but you're still trying to get the honey pop, yeah, so Honey pop you making.
Speaker 3:Because, like I said, at the end of the day, like my, my biggest Realization, as I've been a guy growing up, is how many men have no relationship with their fathers, I've no relationship with their uncles, have no relationship with a grandfather who have no stable man in that life. So when I see a guy who is our age or I guess it's my age right, who's trying to do it right, who's trying to say like look, I'm, like we might have made bad decisions, I can't at least show my son love. Whenever I can show my son love and like I see somebody actively getting For like in terms of being up and cussed out for doing the right thing, then it's like I get why a lot of?
Speaker 3:niggas do the wrong thing and because it's like damn, damn if you do, damn if you don't, if I'm not there, then I ain't got to sit here and feel that level of rage that I know man's felt when he saw. Like man, I got something special. My little man Like we, about to be, just about to kick it, and now I got this woman mad at me because you made bad decisions, you can't take it your kids. So now my kid has to suffer Because, again, mine you go back to the same situation.
Speaker 2:That means the judgment was poor.
Speaker 3:And then it's like he can't just like.
Speaker 2:He looked like he had a series of poor judge.
Speaker 3:Though here's what I'm saying is that when you see guys trying to do it right in the they and it doesn't work out right and like I can see how this it doesn't get back.
Speaker 2:You can't do it wrong and pretend like you're doing it right.
Speaker 3:And then you can re-correct the ship, can't you? We always say like oh, no one's ever beholded to the bad mistakes they made. Okay, you can always oh, yeah, yeah right, I'm just saying that like we should be trying to do things differently right.
Speaker 2:Okay, so I'm gonna settle her cursing old boy out. She should have simply right. Lee said hold on, not today.
Speaker 3:Yeah, because for me I can understand her frustration. Like Mm-hmm, I would love to get all my kids. I can't do it yeah.
Speaker 2:Like explaining to my.
Speaker 3:Just need out.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it makes sense, why not the kids hungry?
Speaker 3:I'm hungry too, I Know, and don't do this no more, cuz the kids can have it and I just I see it, so many guys who like aren't, who don't have those Relations, I'm like it is crucial that when guys are putting that effort in, that it needs to be rewarded. So which year before, whether that is saying, okay, I say to child you, whatever. I Just like I said, I think guys need to put more effort in. But when the guys who do put in effort is they need to get them flowers, because we as men don't get our flowers for shit. Steal them jobs after.
Speaker 3:I can't say how to sit down and say like no, I deserve my flowers because fuck you guys, fuck everyone else, fuck.
Speaker 2:if anyone else doesn't give it to me, I'm gonna give it to myself, yeah but, how many times where I have to keep saying I'm gonna give myself my own flowers, like I can't get. Somebody says like me, you can bust your ass.
Speaker 3:A good shit, like we recognize that what we do as men isn't quote-unquote special. It's just what we're supposed to do.
Speaker 2:Okay, but damn. Can I get some credit for what I'm supposed to do to like?
Speaker 3:imagine if you like, just as ladies sit there and say I had the kid, I went through, like I had to go through all the appointments and I was sick. And then I was, I was doing, well, I'm sick again, and all that to have this baby. And if I told you what yeah, fuck you don't childbirth was?
Speaker 1:easy.
Speaker 3:How much different is that conversation? I do all these things to keep a roof over ahead.
Speaker 2:Yeah, because bills, bills are bills to be paid.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna sit there and give a fuck how you got the money, just don't. You got the money. Keep the bills over you, the lights on they just care that they got the three hundred and some change for the lights. The baby mother, oh.
Speaker 2:No, keep the lights on. As a guy, technically speaking, if you are in a healthy relationship, right, you should feel honored that you are pouring into absolutely both parties should, um yeah, so I mean, damn, y'all don't feel like y'all get y'all flowers enough, wow.
Speaker 1:I get the love from the family, wife and I get the love all time. I'm pretty sure you're husband, get the love and appreciation every day too.
Speaker 3:Oh, no, no, no, we can talk about recognizing that men don't get it because you do but do you know the men who feel like they oh? Yeah, yeah, my best friends are and are they deserving so?
Speaker 3:I got one of my friends since 15 he's been working At this point right now man's lives in Baltimore, has a three, three Floor home okay to your home or bedrooms, did all his shit. His father has not said I love you in ten years, mmm to him and I remember him specifically saying it to me like three weeks ago. I'm like I love you, talk to you later and he's like, oh, you say love you to your dad, like my dad's this, and let me in forever.
Speaker 3:And he said it and he went right into like the next conversation but Don't really thought that like you could hear it and it's like just those little things where you realize, like, even as somebody who has what most men would consider Like W, like you got a W after W after W, you live in a good spot. You're not like a, you're a Baltimore join the outskirts of Baltimore. You're in a really good neighborhood. You got a good house Able to afford everything. You ain't got worry about your bills. You got anything you could possibly want, but just once, like Acknowledgement that somebody cares. Yeah, he got a girl who he's been with for the last like ten months and so like, that's how she's a project. A Project, okay, she's a working progress.
Speaker 2:When she wants to go to say okay, I'm supporting.
Speaker 3:I'm trying to help support that. Okay, and I'm like yeah, I hear you, Mm-hmm, but like, is he trying to like stand up or are you trying to pick up a course?
Speaker 2:Like what is like? How is that relationship really?
Speaker 3:Yeah, but I can't get a straight answer and I'm like With the combo, the sins. Oh, my dad, you know, never told me I love me and I got this I'm like. Well, that's how women in the scenario where you in with an ancient nigga who runs your pockets and gives your kid and disappears. But it is a very simple result because you just trying to find love. You want somebody to love you and appreciate you for what you do in the fact this guy doesn't have children. No, he doesn't have any kids.
Speaker 2:Okay, no, no because he's smart enough to recognize.
Speaker 3:I'm not, I'm stable enough for me. I'm not stable enough for a family. And I was not respect that, but it's just little things like that when you see a guy who's who would reach with most men. We considered the apex and it's still not happy.
Speaker 3:Yeah, and you realize it's the little things, like the Appreciation of what you're doing, or like recognizing what you're doing is difficult and giving you your flowers for saying like look, you do a hard job, bro. You've been busting your ass, you got things that niggas could always wish they could have and you're not happy because you need somebody to tell you, like dog, you're doing some good shit. So what I told him I was like bro, you know, I'm gonna tell you I love you, I appreciate what you do, I understand how hard you work, because sometimes I got just needs to hear that and like family man, you know, I really do appreciate that. He's like like I love you too. I was the last time. He probably even said that.
Speaker 1:Hmm.
Speaker 3:I said every day. I'm fortunate enough to say it every day. Yeah, and he and it's just. They said it's sad for guys.
Speaker 2:Now it's as it sounds like a lot of emptiness.
Speaker 3:You know it does, yeah, but when?
Speaker 2:I say that the men sound empty, I get corrected. I just want to let y'all know that.
Speaker 3:Yeah, really.
Speaker 2:It was a little jabby jam.
Speaker 1:I'm gonna say this there's a lot of men who who grew up empty and that's, that's what you kind of see Like you.
Speaker 2:You can really see that Like what, you think that this is normal, your behavior like you think this is normal. Yeah.
Speaker 1:You be surprised how many men and probably women, who, when he finds someone after get of age, is a lax Self-awareness of love, of accountability, because never, I never gave it to me. Mm-hmm, a lot of people really want to have, because they really now want to love something of the back. Yep you could get a dog. That's not the same, no, but I, you know, some guys would just have a baby with some chick, any chick. He's having to give him the draw, the honey pie boom and you have a baby, you're gonna be there.
Speaker 1:Yeah because to him I do not want my child to go through what I went through, went through and continue Go through, because it'll continue process unless he really deals with it. So I'm gonna push the love that I expected this baby Now he may have, takes a buck shift from her because she may not feel the same way about him and just say, you know, give me the money because you never know how they fall, okay, but he'll be in there for the long haul and she could probably move on, have other kids. He'll still be there. This is just kid.
Speaker 1:He don't want to take it to some bullshit. Mm-hmm but people don't realize that, or women don't see it because it's just like oh you know, man, you should suck it up and go through it. But if you never had anyone teach you, I'll teach you the process of becoming. Then how do you become a man? You just become a grown-at. You be a man, boy, oh boy.
Speaker 2:Yeah, you just grow up.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're age, you're 30 grown male when you find so, why the fuck you don't grow up? Why you have a lot of women? Why you don't grow up? Why don't you know, take shit seriously? Why Because, again, he's trying to find some peace. Whatever that is like you know, just Find my way or he found a way to fucking function.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's that's really so to be like ages.
Speaker 3:They found a way that allows them to function without having yeah. I can function Like I think we had a conversation on that same podcast with leadership, saying like when you're not appreciated as a man, you show it like it comes out in every facet of you. Because it's how you Deal with that lack of love or that lack of appreciation. You find it by just saying, all right, one be crashed. I'm gonna be short.
Speaker 3:I'm gonna do whatever it takes To get through this, like if I might work and they don't appreciate me and I know I need to keep this job. I'm gonna keep my job, but I'm not gonna say shit. You're not gonna find me, no way. Not gonna be bad, we can get a hold of you for nothing. Yeah, if you answer, if I answer it short, to the point, I might not even smile. Niggas might not even see me with a so much as a grin on my face. I ain't gonna talk to nobody. I'm gonna go to work and do my shit, come home because I'm not trying to be there in the whole time. I know I need to be here, so I need to hate myself For being here, but I also need to recognize that I need to get over myself long enough to get through this day, cuz I need this paycheck, until you find something different.
Speaker 3:And then that's when you find the guys who end up having something where, like their infrastructure set up, like they have a really good job or they have a really good Support system. What you find is that then those they become as people more fleshed out, because like, okay, I'm secure and in like the thing that matters. Now I can start saying let me evolve as an individual. And then, if you know it's a lot of women will say like, oh, I knew this guy. He was trashed. Then he grew up and I was like, oh, why couldn't you do that with me? Sometimes it's you, sometimes it's because he's with you. He thought like, oh, I'm good because you accepted him for this person.
Speaker 3:Yeah when you told him that this person is all Acceptable, he says, shit, I really fucked that up. All right, I can't let that happen again. The guy inherently gets better the corrective actions. The corrective actions happens a lot quicker because they're like damn, she left me. I really got to figure it out because now I lost the thing that kept me secured. I need to go fix myself.
Speaker 3:And that's why, when those guys fix, themselves the next girl comes in like right after that and she's the one who we saw the benefits is because of that. Yeah, he fell apart with you and then you told me this is no longer acceptable. He's like, damn, I lost her. So I gotta make sure I don't lose the next person. And then you find someone else and now you're the new per the old person like damn why couldn't you do that before?
Speaker 2:I mean, sometimes it's just not that person's time, right? You just, you're just part of the journey, you know let's think about it.
Speaker 1:How many people will get married at night? Is a state together along?
Speaker 2:I mean, I don't know any.
Speaker 1:I Don't know any there's a maturity that has to happen at that. A that lot people just I.
Speaker 2:Don't think it has to happen at that age specifically. I think that you have to have some bit of maturity as you're growing up in the Married, because to be married at those young ages you're literally growing up, but in a marriage, and for an American person, male or female, I don't quite think that people like can understand what that is like. I mean, you're not even, you're not even 21 yet, so technically you ain't even able to tear the club up like no, you haven't had a pop no bottles yet.
Speaker 1:You know, but already married.
Speaker 2:You know Men can't approach you. You can't approach women in a nightclub. You know you can't have those you know, loose, silly Conversations, those flirtatious. You know ways that you mix and mingle in your early 20s that have been, you know, normalized as being just like what you do in those ages.
Speaker 1:So, yeah, you're literally growing up together and that maturity just has to kind of snowball, and if it doesn't snowball, then I Mean yo you probably gonna be done by the time you 23, 24 and what you just said was you have people who, at 19, never cool well right, but they're making life decision. Yep, that's gonna affect them well into their 30s and 40s and 50s. For us to life. So you know, as, as we start off with the whole, you know whip ass and and and fuck around. You know, fuck up and fuck around. Find out. This is a thing about growing. Before you decide to have kids, we decided to get in Leisure kids have a kid. Understand this fact. If you're empty when you have a kid, what will you fill into that kid? You're going through a lot of things. You're thinking that kids will solve your problem. A lot of people, because when you're empty and Nothing fill, another God is somebody else can feel.
Speaker 2:Yep, because you can't well, somebody is gonna fill them, and it's gonna be with Foolishness, it can be with hatred, it can be with nonsense and, like you said, what we started off on is pretty much you seeing people who were raised up on, you know Hatred and normalizing, you know foolishness right, yes, yes so again, be intentional with how you Raise your children, because they're not going to be children forever.
Speaker 1:No, they're not going to be, and Understand when you fuck your kids up brain. We all suffer that dumb shit because you fuck it up, not them did a byproduct of you absolutely and listen.
Speaker 1:Thanks to all the new subscribers. I want to thank you guys for the bottle all hearts because again we just trying to get this message out there to you guys and Y'all accepting it, and we're putting out more stuff and doing more things and again we appreciate you and Tell your friend play friends, come check this out. So hit the like button, subscribe to the channel, and we holler at y'all later on.